Lily Allen, Dizzee Rascal, Dananananaykroyd, Blitzen Trapper and Boy 8-Bit have put time aside to make this week amazing for you. So in return it’s essential you turn your lights off, put your cat in its cupboard, get naked apart from a sock on your cock (because it’s comfy) and listen to these five tunes with the volume up and your minds open so wide you couldn’t fill them with all the Double Downs in Nebraska.

1/ One of our favourite ladies: Lily Allen – 22

Lily Allen is so great. She’s gone from being the chavvy gobshite daughter of Keith Allen to some kind of national treasure by doing nothing but diss people and go on Test Match Special. And also write good songs and be a kind of ‘boozy bird’ that people look at and go “yeah, I’d be friends with her”. Well it’s too late, because she’s ridiculously famous now. And this song sounds like Madness. (Sorry about the non-official live performance, Parlophone are determined for you not to have any fun and have disabled the embedding of Lily’s proper videos. Grrr.)

2/ The biggie: Dizzee Rascal – Holiday

Dizzee Rascal is so great. He’s gone from being a grime upstart with a Mercury Music Prize under his belt to a chart-dominating rap star who surrounds himself in girls like he thinks he’s Flo Rida. Flo Rida’s a right twunt though, so it would be a massive shame if that’s the road Dizzee went down. He’d be much better taking off that Hawaiian shirt and going out with Danielle Lloyd. The charming little oik.

3/ The shouty buggers with the great name: Dananananaykroyd – Some Dresses

Go on, get some rock music in your lives. Rock music with drum rolls, hand claps, twiddly guitar parts and sporadic squawks. Like every god in the universe intended. Like Ozzy Osbourne decreed. Like Iggy Pop always will and always has wanted. Go on, mosh your tits off.

4/ The undervalued heroes of folk rock: Blitzen Trapper – Black River Killer

There’s a lot to love about bands who bother making top notch videos. Too much of our time is spent flooding our eyes with poison when we could just be watching a chat show audience get cross with freaky masks on. Great song too, from a band so horribly underrated it makes you wonder if anyone in the world knows anything at all.

5/ The token dance tune: Boy 8-Bit – Baltic Pine

Mmm, glitchy bass. Mmm, cloudy video. Mmm, weird plopping noises. Mmm, squelch. Mmm, happy brass section 4 minutes and 50 seconds in. Yeah, this is the sound of dance music gone totally correct. Pete Tong likes it apparently. No idea what that means. He’s pretty old, so that’s probably bad. And his voice is so cheesy he can make spaghetti bolognese taste better just by breathing on it. But then John Peel was old and he was totally amazing. Life is so frickin’ hard sometimes.