Let’s cut to the chase: once and for all, who is this bloody pop star who you saw smoking crack, then had sex with and then saw on CD:UK the following day looking great?
I’m so glad this has never come to light. Looking back on it, it was much bigger than I ever thought it was going to be – the song with those lyrics [When You Wasn’t Famous] wasn’t even meant for release as single. I’m not going to tell you who it’s about.
How about we guess, and you cough when we’re right. Fearne Cotton?
I won’t cough.
Cheryl Tweedy? Nicola Roberts?
The ginger one from Girls Aloud.
I’ve met Sarah Harding. She is fucking foxy in real life. I don’t think the TV does her any justice.
Have you managed to pull Rachel Stevens yet?
I haven’t actually met her. When Fit But You Know It came out, I was in the kind of bar that I hate going to, like a Jay-Z party or something. Some party full of wankers. There was a girl from the Daily Star there and she asked, “Who is Fit But You Know It about?” and I told her I was drunk and not to talk to me. She asked again and I said Rachel Stevens, and foolishly said that I wouldn’t be responsible for what I did if I was in the same room as her.
You did meet her! At our 100 Sexiest bash! We want royalties!
No, I was with my girlfriend at that time and Rachel Stevens had left when I arrived.
Who is your FHM number one girl?
[Thinks] Cheryl Tweedy. Has she ever been on the FHM cover?
She has. Would you ever have a go at pulling her?
No, I reckon Ashley Cole is much lighter on his toes than me. I’d be biting off more than I could chew there, mate.
When was the last time you were in a fight?
I pushed a woman in Copenhagen – she was a journalist, actually. She made an obscenely racist comment at the bass player in my group. I wasn’t violent, but I felt violent.
We’ve got Keeley on our front cover this month. She’s like Rachel Stevens but with bigger guns. Would you?
Yeah, Keeley is really hot. Really hot. Leo [singer with The Streets] has been a Keeley fan since the beginning. Before I’d even heard of her.
Leo’s just got back from Love Island – which of the Love Island girls would you most like to fornicate with?
Leo chose the best one – Bianca Gascoigne. That Sophie Anderton is a lunatic. She seems quite unhinged.
Would you have sex on national TV if you went on Love Island?
No. Funnily enough, I was discussing this in Manumission in Ibiza – they used to have sex on stage there. I wouldn’t have sex on TV because I wouldn’t be able to perform. You’d definitely see my worst ever innings.
Was Ibiza messy?
Yes. I fell off the wagon – I’d been off booze for eight months before that and I felt dreadful for days afterwards. I did everything. I don’t want to get too gratuitous because it’s really trendy to talk about drugs at the moment, and I’d rather not give you those quotes.
How much would it cost for you to pose naked for Playgirl?
Half a million. But if the money was there in front of me, I’d do it for less.
What’s your favourite fried breakfast ingredient?
Great question. I had a bacon sandwich three days ago, and it wasn’t really doing it for me. I’m more of a sausage man. I can tell you my worst item is black pudding – by a distance.
Have you still got your recording of Dry Your Eyes featuring Chris Martin?
It’s possibly on a hard disk at the studio somewhere. I think it was leaked in America and is on the internet. So I’ve no plans to release it.
You keep turning us down to do “FHM Vs” – what sport would you pick if you did pluck up the courage to take us on?
Your manager punched you during a game of table football – why was that?
Because I was being a cunt. To be honest, I don’t like losing, and the way he reacted when he beat me wound me up. He had this gay-looking leather wallet, which I threw out of the window. So he punched me – hard.
Did he knock you out?
No, but the man can punch. We’re cool now, though.
We heard you had a bit of fisticuffs with Wolverhampton Wanderers’ Jeremie Aliadiere after trying to chat up his bird, Leilani?
No, that wasn’t anything to do with me. I was invited to a really shit party by Leo, it was bollocks. Basically, the tabloids pay bar staff to listen in on conversations. You’ll find yourself talking at the bar, and the next day it’s in the paper. Leilani was at this party and one of the bar staff told a tabloid that “The Streets” were chatting her up. At the end of the day, her boyfriend drives a Lamborghini, so he has nothing to worry about.
You used to work in Burger King, any horror stories?
It wasn’t as horrible as Eminem made it out to be – I never experienced anyone spitting in a burger. In fact, I earned more at Burger King than any other job until I did The Streets.
This is our sex and relationships issue. What’s your top sex tip?
Consideration and time.
That’s a relationship tip.
No it’s not – think about it.
Aha… and your top relationship tip?
Make coffee in the morning.
Genius. Which of the following have you done: shagged an older woman Mrs Robinson-style?
I’ve never shagged an older woman. Although when I was a kid, I was always ahead of my time.
Joined the mile-high club?
I’ve ticked a lot of boxes, but that one has yet to be ticked.
Threesome with two girls?
I don’t want to answer this question.
Yeah you do! You’re grinning.
Cough if you have.
You and your coughing, man! No comment.
Have you had sex with a stripper?
Well, she wasn’t working at the time…
Good work. How many times can you have sex in one day?
I don’t think I’m physically capable of too many. How many could you do in a day?
Two at a push.
[Laughs] Exactly. There’s a period of about an hour after sex where I probably wouldn’t be able to do it. Depends how much you paid me.
Who’s the biggest tosser in the music business?
The biggest tosser in the music business is Ted Mayhem. He is my business partner in The Beats [a record label run by Skinner and Mayhem]. He can safely be described as a complete tosser.
Do you use a “The Streets” cigarette lighter?
I don’t smoke at the moment, but there is no way I would use a The Streets lighter. That would be really crass – kind of like using a gold record.
True or false – you trashed the Astor Bar And Grill in London?
I suppose you could say I did, but I didn’t cause any structural damage. All I did was push over a dinner table. Here’s a top tip when you’re staying in a hotel – put brandy in an iron and inhale the fumes.
Mutya from the Sugababes.
The pop star on crack – just cough if it was.
You’re an idiot.
Original interview by Tom Cullen in the November 2006 issue of FHM UK magazine