I said, “I want to be a singer like Lou Reed.” / “I like Lou Reed,” she said, sticking her tongue in my ear. / “Let's go, let's sit, let's talk, politics goes so good with beer. And while we're at it, baby, why don't you tell me one of your biggest fears?” / I said, “Losing my penis to a whore with disease.” / “Just kidding," I said. “Losing my life to a whore with disease.” She said, “Excuse me, please?”

Like, totally.

SINGLES:

1/ Muse – Resistance

It’s ridiculous that anyone ever has a go at Muse for being ridiculous. It is their whole point. Their reason for being. The thing they do better than any other band on the planet. And if they weren’t doing it, the music industry would be way more boring. Hurrah for geeks who dare to dream.

Get Muse tickets at Aloud.com.

2/ Rihanna – Rude Boy

If in doubt, sing about shagging. That’s the rule. It’s bound to piss off Chris Brown, seeing as the lyrics to Rude Boy are a bit like a dirty conversation that two people about to hump might have. And anything that pisses off Chris Brown is fine by us.

Go to Aloud.com for Rihanna tickets.

3/ Girls – Morning Light

If you don’t like pop songs that have had the really obviously melodious bits distorted pretty much beyond recognition, you will hate Girls.

4/ Crookers featuring Miike Snow – Remedy

It’s all about the ‘beep beep’. And it’s a great ‘beep beep’.

5/ Two Door Cinema Club – Undercover Martyn

This is really great, exciting, super-brand-new and quite sweet really indie-pop that someone like Peter, Bjorn and John might have made if they hadn’t been happy to live off Young Folks forever.

If you fancy seeing Two Door Cinema Club live then go to Aloud.com for tickets.