“Emptiness is loneliness / And loneliness is cleanliness / And cleanliness is godliness / And god is empty just like me.”

SINGLES:

1/ Ke$ha featuring 3OH!3 – Blah Blah Blah

If you’re not careful Ke$ha will kick your ass and you’ll start wearing black eyeliner and think it’s okay to pretend to be as cool Dave Navarro even though you’re just some massive douche who let some bratty pop star turn you into her bitch. She’ll ditch you, man. Once she’s huge.

2/ OK GO – This Too Shall Pass

OK GO make excellent music videos and everyone should watch them. But, you know, we make an excellent toasted cheese sandwich and everyone should eat them but we don’t go round pretending to be chefs.

3/ Wiley – Never Be Your Woman

The thing is with Wiley, is that he basically invented grime and that he had the foresight to get it into the charts with Wearing My Rolex so anything he does that’s a bit never-been-done-before just sounds amazing. Plus, I Could Never Be Your Woman by White Town has been gagging to be treated with respect by someone trendy and the King of England has come to the rescue.

4/ Mumford & Sons – The Cave

This sounds like that moment when everyone who had previously thought that spending the night in a tent after a barn dance sounded like an excellent idea realises that all they really want is to be in a taxi on their way home to some beans and toast and a pillow.

5/ Gorillaz featuring Bobby Womack and Mos Def – Stylo

Damon Albarn’s greatest achievement is making it seem like all the Gallagher brothers really did in the Britpop years was make the tea. And swear loads and be amazing at the Brit Awards.

6/ New Young Pony Club – Chaos

Every time the stereo goes quiet in the FHM office, at least one email gets sent to the man nearest the stereo that says “put the New Young Pony Club album on please” which, as seals of approval go, is immense. That hasn’t happened since the first Stone Roses album came out.