1/ Privileged

When?
E4, Saturday 7pm

Why should I watch it?
It's more than likely that this Channel 4 newbie hasn't popped up on your radar since it's first episode aired about six weeks ago. Despite Channel 4's shameless clip teases and constant flow of trailers ridden with fit women, you probably forgot to make a note of when and where you could watch it. If you have seen the girly U.S comedy series it was probably over your girlfriend/sister/mum's shoulder because you couldn't possibly admit that you weren't watching The Ashes.

Now why would you bother watching a programme that appeals predominantly to women, especially when Premier League football is now top of your TV watching priority? Easy. It's all about women. Hot women who make it their business to look arousingly beautiful in every single shot. The premise? Female protagonist Megan Smith (Joanna Garcia) is a glorified nanny who looks after the granddaughters of a Palm Beach cosmetics business magnate. These hedge fund brats make the hot nanny's job a freaking nightmare because they're young, gorgeous and generally horny mess makers.

Last week's episode was pretty lame, but check out episode five. The granddaughters host a pool party and it's gate crashed by, you guessed it, another hot female, Lauren Conrad, known primarily for her epic stint on MTV reality show, The Hills. Watch this if you're eyeballs want a break from an unhealthy amount of time fixed on images of sweaty men in shorts, grabbing each other's genitalia.

Show me where:
Watch it on Channel 4 On Demand.

2/ The X Factor

When?
ITV1, Saturday 7pm

Why should I watch it?
Ahh X Factor. Sweet, shameless reality TV that we actually enjoy, X Factor. How we have missed you... sort of. The same grizzly panel of judges are Simon - the big bad greek-looking wolf - Cowell, Louis - the lairy fairy leprechaun - Walsh, Dannii - she looks better this series - Minogue and finally Cheryl - 2009's sexiest woman - Cole.

The format for the first round of auditions has changed, much to our dismay, as the wannabes are now subjected to mass ridicule on stage in front of an extremely judgmental live audience and the quivering contestants have backing tracks and everything. It's basically Britain's Got Talent, but only singing. How can we really hear how bad these muppets are if there's actual music in the background?

As per bloody usual there was a selection of weirdos, psychos, the untalented, the delusional and of course the bloody brilliant performers. Inevitably the best was kept for last, because Simon Cowell demands that viewers must have that fuzzy warm feeling in their tummies and that silly euphoric music ringing in their ears for the rest of your Saturday evening. The best by miles, performance came from Danyl Johnson and was, in Simon Cowell's words, "the best first audition he'd ever seen". Oooh. Maybe he used that one a bit too soon. He's got to save something for the live finals.

Show me where:
Watch it on the ITV player.

3/ Dragons' Den

When?
BBC Two, Sunday 6.05pm

Why should I watch it?
Another reality TV series, but this one means business. Literally. And these judges are more than grizzly, they're dragons. Ha bloody ha. Last week's batch of entrepreneurs included a hopeless soft spoken Manc trying to flog an automated curtain puller, another equally soft spoken piano playing Manc wanting money for his debut album and an extremely sweaty man from Surrey who's trying to reinvent the shoe shine booth.

It's worth watching just to get irritated beyond belief when Deborah Meaden gets nasty for absolutely no reason whatsoever and all soothed again by James Caan's smoothly delivered wisdom, which reminds us that we're not nearly refined enough to become a millionaire. We will therefore stop trying.

Show me where:
Watch it on the BBC iPlayer.