Is making My Name Is Earl as much of a laugh as it seems?
Oh, we have a blast! The guys are really entertaining. They’re boys. They forget us girls are on set, so we get an earful of very male information. I didn’t grow up with brothers, so a lot of it was scary to me. They curse a lot, they’ll spend hours throwing paper into a trash can shouting and screaming like they’re at an NBA game.
That’s fairly standard behaviour where we work, too…
I know, but I went to an all-girls school and I only had sisters. My dad was in a house ruled by women, so he was quiet. I never got to really see this. My poor father. To this day, he’s never spoken a word.
He must be proud of you, though?
Oh yeah, but don’t tell him about this shoot. I know I look pretty and who wouldn’t want a pretty daughter, right? My father.
Did you enjoy the shoot?
Oh, I just loved it. I’m only 5ft 5in, but in the photographs I look taller because I’ve got long legs and a long neck. I don’t look like a feisty midget anymore. It’s great.
So what happens in the third series of My Name is Earl?
Well, at the moment, nothing! All the Hollywood writers are on strike so we’re suspended halfway through. I really love working on Earl. When I’m on it, I don’t really want to do anything else. I don’t really like going out and doing auditions. And the new series is really funny, all the characters are a lot more part of the storyline, I feel like part of a big family. And Catalina is stripping a lot more.
Excellent. So would you make a good maid in real life?
I would make a horrible maid. Terrible. I’m good at picking things up and being neat, but I’m not like a scrubber. I do have a maid, and I try to keep it from her that I’m on this show. I think she knows though.
And how would you fare as a stripper?
Oh, I’d be excellent. One of those acrobatic strippers. When I was a kid that was what I wanted to be. Not a stripper, no! An acrobat. I wanted to run away and join the circus.
Well, your webcam striptease on the DVD extras is pretty unforgettable…
Oh yeah? What was so good about it?
Well, naturally, the choreography, the flexibility…
I know what you mean. I think I would have been a gymnast or a ballet dancer if I had a mother who’d seen what I could have done early enough. I’m not a trained dancer at all, but I’ve got that signature move. You know, that one where I go back and… undulate.
Just so we know, would you ever fall in love with a fat, balding man like Randy in real life?
Er, no. But in the new series I’m not even with Randy any more. It’s just a lot more of me stripping. You know, those little outfits I’m in really work. Those stripper shoes – you know the ones, “I look awkward, but I look amazing!”
Have you ever made your own list of bad things you’ve done, like Earl?
Wow… I don’t know. I kind of like everything that I’ve done, I don’t have very many regrets. I cheated on this man I was married to and had an affair, so I’d pick that. But, you know, those kind of wicked things I’ve done, I kind of enjoyed. Ha ha!
Do you get hassled on the street by lovesick Catalina fans?
Not that much. Here’s the thing – I don’t actually look like Catalina. It’s all make-up and hair, and I don’t walk around in stripper and maid outfits that much either, you know. What I do get is people at parties saying they think they know me, but they’re not sure why.
You got a degree in marketing before you set off to Hollywood – give us an advertising slogan for yourself.
That’s an interesting question. I’m not very good at selling myself, you know, but I’m starting to change my mind about that, because maybe it’s time to actually get out there. Hey, let me have a think about the slogan. We’ll do it at the end, okay?
You did alright selling yourself recently – aren’t you in a new film with Jet Li and Jason Statham?
Yeah, War… I like it, but I was cut out of some scenes and I really, really wanted to do some fighting scenes. I wanted to pop a guy in the head with a gun. I really want to do an action movie. My first thing I ever did was a movie called Blast! and I loved it. I want to do it again.
Would that be your dream job?
I’m going to do this one in a British accent, okay? [Summons spirit of Dick Van Dyke] “My dream job would be to do a movie about a girl who cuts her wrists. And is a lesbian. And her mother is a crackhead.” That would be it! Was I okay?
Not bad… Did you get cock-er-nee lessons from Jason Statham?
Oh, I did. What a pleasure. And I also ran into him in the market around here and I found out that we live near each other. He’s excellent in War and he’s very, very, very good-looking as well. Bald Englishmen can be very sexy.
That will cheer up a few of our readers. Are you quite fighty in real life?
Fighty? He didn’t teach me that word. But I’m feisty, oh yeah. A big part of my workout is boxing, I’m pretty good.
Is My Name is Earl the greatest TV show ever made?
No. That would be [classic ’50s US sitcom] I Love Lucy. Did I have a crush on [leading man] Desi Arnez? No way, I had a crush on [leading lady] Lucille Ball. My lesbian-with-the-crackhead-mother movie is going to be heavily based on Lucille Ball. It’s going to be great!
Not bad… And before we go, let’s do that advertising slogan for Nadine Velazquez Inc.
Well, I think we already got it. “Feisty lesbian crackhead fortune-teller takes over Hollywood”. Ha ha! Love it!
Original interview by Chris Mooney in the March 2008 issue of FHM UK magazine