1/ Big Brother Live Final

When?
Channel 4, Friday night

Why watch?
Now that Channel 4 has announced the next series of Big Brother will be the last, everything that happens on the show from now on will be given a semi-poignant ‘last ever’ status. There’s every chance that Sophie Reade, this year’s winner, will be the last ever glamour model to win Big Brother. And there’s a good chance she’ll be the last ever Big Brother winner to have appeared in Playboy before she went on TV. And she’ll definitely be the last ever Big Brother winner to change their name by deed poll to Dogface.

Judging by the cheers from the maniacs who actually queue for quite a long time to go and watch Davina McCall prance around in sparkly trousers and tell the housemates not to swear, she’s a popular winner. It’s always weird and quite depressing when the winner comes out of the house to a smatter of booing, as if the only people who would go and watch Big Brother live are the only people who want to be on the show, and are therefore the people who hate the housemates the most, because they’re jealous. So who knows, maybe the likeable Sophie will go on and do something positive with her life, like get those 30GG bosoms of hers out on a bi-weekly basis, pretend it doesn’t make her sad inside and forever be known as ‘BB’s Sophie’.

Show me where:
Watch on 4oD.

2/ Hardcore Profits

When?
BBC2, Sunday 10pm

Why watch?
Like a successful graduate from the Louis Theroux School of Making BBC Documentaries, Tim Samuels has, for two Sunday evenings in a row, been sussing out how porn is destroying the world.

Firstly he attacks the unstoppable (and as TV adverts would have you believe – family friendly) business juggernauts like Google, Yahoo, Vodafone, 3, T-Mobile and Marriott, plus numerous credit card companies, who all make money from porn. They don’t tell anyone about it, they just do it on the sly. But while this might be bad news for concerned parents, it would be bad business for these companies not to want a slice of porn pie. It’s an enormous industry and endlessly popular. PornoTube, for example, gets 40 billion hits a month. People love wanking.

More surprising are the people who invest money in porn without realising. For example, Samuels concludes that because the Catholic-based and supposedly socially responsible Christian Brothers Investment Services owns shares in companies like Google and other porn-peddlers, that the money leaving old people’s pockets and entering the church’s on a Sunday morning is indirectly funding porn. Your gran is paying for your bongo. How does that make you feel?

Most disturbing were the young HIV positive Ghanaian men who told Samuels that watching American porn made them think it was fine to hump loads of strangers and not use a condom. They unhappily agreed with Samuels that porn was responsible for their HIV. And an entirely separate group of Ghanaian men said porn inspired them to rape women. Bonkers. But this is a bit like the argument that Marilyn Manson was responsible for the Columbine school shooting. One Ghanaian mentalist doesn’t mean the industry is causing evil.

And ultimately, although dabbling in porn might not be an entirely savoury way to spend your working life or spare time, it probably won’t be responsible for society’s breakdown. It’s the nuclear bombs we need to worry about, not Ron Jeremy’s incredibly well travelled schlong.

Show me where:
Watch on BBC iPlayer.

3/ 9/11: Phone Calls from the Towers

When?
Channel 4, Sunday 9pm

Why watch?
There will be a lot of this stuff on this week, but any of it will do well to be half as heartbreaking. In 9/11: Phone Calls from the Towers, family and friends of people who died when Osama Bin Ladin’s minions slammed two planes into the World Trade Centre eight years ago talk about and play snippets of the last words they ever heard their loved ones say on the phone from inside the towers. It’s weird hearing the different reactions of people stuck in the towers which range from fear, panic and a need to try and help everyone. It’s pure sadness, obviously. But it’s an emotionally charged reminder of why September 11 2001 was a bad day, and exactly how bad it was for the people who knew any of the 3,000 people who died. Sad face.

Show me where:
Watch on 4oD.

4/ Dragons’ Den: On Tour

When?
BBC2, Sunday 9pm

Why watch?
Hahahahahahaha. Just: why? "OMG! Theo Paphitis’ dressing room! Wow! Peter Jones doing his hair!" Go away, pointless TV.

Show me where:
Watch on BBC iPlayer.