With www.freshdevices.com you can crank up your download speed by 400 per cent - free! It breaks down the file you’re after then reassembles it on screen.

The impressive homepage of www.speedtest.net looks like a porsche dashboard. Click on the map and speedos will show your connection speed

Download Google's free web accelerator tool from

If yet another clip of a goofy American kid face-planting into a dustbin from a treetop is taking so long to download you wished you'd never started the goddamb process, then pick up the Speedbit Video Accelerator from

We recommend Firefox. Firetune it at www.totalidea.com, and then Fasterfox will pump it further. Choose the obvious option - Turbo Charged - by heading to www.fasterfox.mozdev.org

Your cache stores pages so the're quicker whe you revisit them. To increase cache size on Explorer 7 go to Tools, then Internet Options and Browsing History. Seledt Settings, then Automatically, then 150MB.

In Firefox go to Tools, Options and Advanced, then click Network. You need to empty cache for free memory, so in Firefox go to Tools, Clear Private Data and tick Cache. With IE7 go to Tools, Internet Options, click Clear under History and delete Temporary Internet Files. Previous sites you visited? Gone.

Searches 29,361 sources every five minutes. Impressive.

The ultimate for all-encompassing news, sport and features.

Still the best for mainstream coverage - get the radio player as well.

Daily reports on fascinating stuff you won't find anywhere else.

Mesmerising graphical view of google's news feed.

Every celebrity ever...Nekkid.

Free - if slow - hub of amateur porn films

Ignore the name - it's a decent free grot site.

Incredible models free of clothing. Costs to join but the free email (go to metart.com/newsletter) is highly recommended

Your top repository for over-airbrushed women.

Want topless paparazzi shots of celebs? This is your site.

Up-to-the-minute reports on every match, point or scrap.

Brilliant weekly email; usually the first with gossip.

Inexclusive Yank name, but full of football stats.

The home of leather on willow on the niternet

Peerless golf coverage for the links statto

All knowing web encyclopedia, powerwed by the hands of nerds.

Browse new and popular links online and it'll learn what you like and feed you related stuff.

Best rubbishing tall pub stories. Or complete bullshitters

Find out the truth about the "Luxury" resort you're planning to stay at.

Keep well ahead of the Jones's with this guide to premium products and design gems

Has its faults, but still the only secure way to pay for eBay and online deals.

Every web page archived, all the way back to 1997.

Ploughs through Play, Woolworths, HMV, Tesco and Amazon to find the cheapest DVDs.

Price comparisons that’ll save you small fortunes.

No more difficult gift-buying. Gadgets and "grown-up" toys galore.

You’ll thank us. Never step foot in a bloody supermarket again.

Customise your music preferences and location, get down the front at every gig.

Upload a decent video, and this site will share the cash with you.

Short movies of daft Americans. Usually doing particularly funny things.

Quicksand for the mind: get sucked in by brain-frazzling facts and thousands of quizzes on literally any topic you can think of.

Looser morals than YouTube makes for interesting lady footage.

Graphically superior online mini-games.

Set amusing questions about your mates, then circulate.

Al Gore’s newTV station, online and almost entirely "viewer created", though don’t hold either fact against it.

Boss-defyingly good free online games.

All the TV show secrets you’ll ever need.

The definitive guide to everything there is to know about films.

"In a world…"

The world of music reviewed in unique style.

Super-enthusiastic film news – and Spielberg’s movie site of choice.

No more staring blankly at the back of crap DVDs.

Personalise your very own radio station and only hear music you like.

All the theme tunes and pictures from children’s TV – even Jossy’s Giants.

Red-hot trailers, news and reviews for console and PC lovers.

Peerless US newspaper crammed with wit and spoof stories.

Hand-drawn funnies sure to make tea fly out of your nose.

Comedy reportage on your favourite sexy celebrities’ pointless escapades.

Awesome web links uploaded daily, with hilarious users’ comments.

Jokes, videos and mirthful http://www.classic.fhm.com/site/ultimateweb/images by the bucketload.

Ranting mania from a modern-day Bill Hicks.

Chuck once counted to infinity. Twice.

Watch the best bits from South Park and The Daily Show With Jon Stewart (both no longer available on YouTube).

She’ll go gooey. You’ll inch closer to… actual sex.

-blowing lingerie. The web’s "Get Out Of Jail Free" card.

Watch video tutorials, learn how to do just about anything.

Let the fat-tongued one guide you to meal mastery.

Digital snaps become a lady-melting hardback gift.

Wow her with two tricks and you’re a fun guy. More than three and you’re the social equivalent of a bad itch.

Smart fashion for you; "I didn’t mean to kill your cat" pressies for her.

Go to www.google.com/ig, click on "make it your own" and search the options to build a completely customised home page. Go to "add stuff" and "search homepage content" and you can plunder virtually any website online – even FHM.com.

A commonly overlooked Google tool is the "date" field: find it under "advanced search". For example, search "Abi Titmuss" pages updated in the last month and it’ll decrease the likelihood of being soured by John Leslie’s cock.

Stick a Google toolbar on your browser to add customisable buttons for instant access to websites, uncovering all manner of webby stats as you surf.

Google Earth allows you to zoom into any location on Earth – especially good when you uncover nude sunbathers and a World War Two bomber flying around Go to snipr.com/1nva2 for more oddities.

Google Documents lets you build a virtual office online. Create Word files or spreadsheets and anyone with access rights can work on them with you.

Unlimited storage means you never need to delete anything. Gigantic attachments of up to 5 megs also means you can send your workmates those videos you know will get them in trouble.

Under "more" on Google’s homepage you’ll find Mobile. Totally free, enter your phone number for invaluable maps, search and news on the move.

Again, click on "more" – then "alerts". Enter a topic, such as "Jessica Alba" or "Liverpool FC", and receive eagle-eyed updates on any new stuff online.

Up your game with Google Pages and build a professional-looking website in minutes. A last tip? Type sums like "54+25-31" into the search bar and it’ll act as a calculator. Bang in "30.5 USD in GBP" and it’s a currency converter. Simple!

Chronicling that curious but frequent phenomenon where incredible hotties date fucking idiots, new site www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com does exactly what it says on the tin: namely, present endless pictures of beauties and their dickhead beasts.

A futuristic fingerprint reader that plugs into a USB port can provide secure access to most of your accounts. Visit the Tensor site at snipr.com/1nusy to give your PC a Batmobile-style lock-down (for only £39) and relax in the knowledge that your machine is now virtually impregnable.

MAME stands for Multi-Machine Arcade Emulator, and lets you play any of the arcade games from your childhood. Head to www.mame.net for instructions on how to download it, the choice is astonishing.

Go to leading download site www.rom-world.com, think of a game (or ROM in MAME-speak), and it will be there. Today FHM got to "G" in the list, and spent all day in thrall to Gauntlet, Ghosts’n’Goblins, Galaxians, Golden Axe, and Gorf.

MAME is fairy user-friendly, but if you want to go further (and you have a PC and not a Mac), you can also download time-wasters from the Commodore 64, Amiga and every other under-powered, fondly-remembered computer from long ago. The acknowledged leading site for these is www.emulator-zone.com but have your leading geek mate to hand, as it can get complicated to set up before you fire away on Jet Set Willy or Raid Over Moscow.

For the less technologically inclined, just hit www.miniclip.com or FHM.com/100Games: these both corral scores of decent online games into one easy destination (see if you can beat 21 on mini-golf).

Finally, if all those flashing colours and noises are getting too much, head to www.ferryhalim.com, you’ll find the ultra-chilled gaming equivalent of listening to The Orb with cucumber slices over your eyes.

Yes, I know the web is full of free one-minute clips, but how can you get the full-length versions for free? Type the name of the film or your favourite actress into Google along with the word rapidshare, and you’ll have more filth than a binman.

Disgustingly frenetic porn habit that you don’t want your girlfriend/mum/probation officer to know about? Simply run two browsers, and disguise the second under some inconspicuous name like "network utility". They’ll leave it well alone – and you’ll be able to empty your ballsack and cover your snail-like trail.

Fed up with having to register just to read one interesting news item linked to from a random blog? Visit bugmenot.com and pick up a pre-registered account. Handy.

Easy! Tap into Google "[sitename].com/members" – it works surprisingly often.

Most people use the same logins across multiple sites. Say you want to read your friend’s email? Set up a freebie messageboard and tell him, “Oh you need to join. We’ve been discussing X" where X is something that might honey-trap your mate. Chances are the password he chooses for the new site will be the same as his email/facebook etc.

Want to know the latest bad-taste joke doing the rounds? Check my own spin-off site, sickipedia for the highest voted gag. A current favourite floating around the top ten: “What’s the best thing about burns victims? They always stick together.

Try fatfingers.co.uk to search for misspellings on eBay items – currently there’s an “armany” jacket available with no bids.

Mysteriously lost the serial number for that bit of software you absolutely paid for? Download the serial box at www.serialz.to. Obviously it would be very bad to use this for things you haven’t bought.

Unwanted gifts mean that recently completed eBay sales include £100 worth of Curry’s vouchers for £64 and £100 from M&S for £80. Useful, if somewhat pikey.

Head to 192.com, where you can even find out where Noel Edmunds or Carol Vorderman live, should you want. Hmm, what shall we send them?

First you need the right program. The best are uTorrent for the PC (www.utorrent.com) and Transmission for the Mac (available at http://transmission.m0k.org). Don’t bother with any others. Read the instructions carefully and follow them to the letter.

To make BitTorrent work, you’ll need to open your internet connection. Don’t worry too much about viruses, as they are very rarely transmitted. This can be a complicated business, but all the instructions are contained at www.snipr.com/1nv1e.

Making sure your connection is open, search the web for “torrent file” that allows you to download a file and share it with other people. For this you need to go to a site called a “tracker”. There are loads of BitTorrent trackers online, so explore and find the one that suits you best.

Head to 192.com, where you can even find out where Noel Edmunds or Carol Vorderman live, should you want. Hmm, what shall we send them?

Get help at www.slyck.com, where legions of the web community’s largest foreheads dispense advice. Then reap the rewards!

Disclaimer: This Internet Guide (“Guide”) is for informational purposes only. You assume all responsibility and risk for any other use of the Guide. FHM has no control over, and assumes no responsibility for the content, privacy policies, or practices of any third party websites (“Sites”) or links to third party web sites (“Links”) mentioned in the Guide. Please note that references in the Guide to any products, services, Sites, Links or any other information, does not constitute or imply FHM’s recommendation, endorsement, affiliation or approval of the same or of any of the content at any of the Sites or via the Links, nor is FHM responsible for their availability, accuracy or content. Material accessed through the Sites and/or the Links provided may infringe copyright law. If you decide to access the Links and/or the Sites set out in the Guide, you do so at your own risk. Under no circumstances shall FHM, its employees or anyone else involved in creating and publishing this Guide be liable for any direct, indirect, incidental, special or consequential damages or lost profits that result directly or indirectly from the use of the Guide and/or the accessing and/or use of any Links and/or Sites included in the Guide.