Steven Gerrard and eight other close shaves

Posted by , 31 July 2009

Chris Brown

Who’s the lucky fella? American recording artist and actor Chris Brown. But given that his career is now over, you can just call him ‘that prick who hit Rihanna’.

What did he do? Judging by the bruises on both sides of the R&B beauty’s face, Brown landed a flurry of forehand and backhand hits during the alleged assault in February 2009. Reports have also mentioned bite marks on her arms, a bloody nose and signs of choking.

How the hell did he get away with that? He handed himself in and pleaded guilty to felony assault, and will likely receive five years probation and six months community service when he's sentenced on August 27. Basically, he’ll just have to dig flower beds and wash fire engines for a bit. And watch his fucking back.

Is he sorry? If you believe the blatantly scripted doe-eyed video, then yes. But what was he supposed to say? “I warned her, man. I warned her not to say ‘umbrella’ again. Bitch had it coming. BAM!"


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