On first dates
We may look confident, but it’s a front. We’re horrendously insecure, so you need to take control. Be cool, laid-back, make us feel at ease.
Women like to be protected.
I don’t mean fight anyone who looks at us – that’s not attractive. I mean make us feel like you could knock someone out should the need occur.
Hairy men have got to think about waxing.
Women keep their body hair under control. You should too. It’s going to be more pleasant for both of us.
I can get ready in ten minutes.
You should be able to, too. There’s nothing worse than a man who takes too much time pampering. Peacocks have had their time.
Flowers aren’t naff.
They’re a true old-fashioned romantic gesture.
It’s not that we’re never wrong.
It’s that you don’t get what we’re telling you.
Humour, cooking, then massage.
That’s my ranking.
A man can come back from one sexual disaster, but not two.
No way. We’ll accept nerves as an excuse for the first time, but there’s no reason to do it badly again.
Compliment a woman too suavely and it seems cheesy.
Do it sheepishly – like you’ve mustered up the courage to say something – and we think it’s lovely.
If I’m crying you must hug me.
There’s nothing worse than a man standing uncomfortably while you’re upset. Be there for me.
There is no such thing as women’s intuition.
You’re just not a very good liar.
My sister had ‘eye sex’ last night.
It’s prolonged eye contact with a stranger and it shows how important eye contact is.
Flatulence isn’t funny.
It’s disgusting, but burping is worse. It’s unnecessary. It’s rude. It says: “Well, I don’t give a shit.”
Women just don’t like ex-girlfriends.
Not because we’re insecure, it’s just they’re a part of your history we don’t want to know about. Especially when we’ve been together for seven years.
My friends know everything.
Sex, presents, habits… everything.
We’re not jealous of your female friends, we’re wary of them.
And we’re wary because we don’t know what they want.
Women can tell a player.
He’s bloody stupid if he thinks we can’t..
Every couple needs time apart.
If you don’t feel comfortable with the idea of your girlfriend going out without meeting someone else you’re too needy. Back off.
We expect you to reply to texts straight away,
But we don’t have to get straight back to you. That’s the game.
Compliment my eyes, my lips or even my arms, but not my breasts.
No matter what we are wearing it doesn’t impress. It embarrasses.
You can’t come back from cheating.
It’s the worst thing a man can do to a woman.
Original interview by Stuart Hood in the October 2008 issue of FHM UK magazine