Sometimes, the bedroom's just not enough. There a plenty of reasons for sex in a car - a new car needs 'christening', you've still got a long time until you get home, a Tuesday - but it does seem that the four-wheelers* weren't designed with sex in mind. So here are a few little FHM tips to the best way of getting the suspension creaking GTA style:

*Kudos to those with a Reliant Robin, but you probably won't need this guide.

First Corner

Firstly, getting caught could lead to you spending some time at her majesty’s pleasure. The risk element might well be part of the thrill, but it’ll be a hell of a passion killer if it happens. Find somewhere quiet, then get the windows steamed up with lots of foreplay. If the law can’t see you they can’t have you for it.

Middle Stint

Go for the front seat. A roll around in the back seat is for fumbly teenagers with sweaty palms and crap cars. Move the seatbelt out of the way (unless some light, chafing S&M is on the menu), put the passenger seat back as far as it will go and then have her straddle you, facing away from you with her hands on the dashboard for support.

Final Lap

Always wear a condom. Not just for safe sex reasons (though that’s a good a reason as any) but because nobody – nobody – wants to be sitting in evidence of the wet patch every time they accompany you to Sainsbury’s.

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