5 Valentine’s gifts she won’t realise are for you

Posted by , 03 February 2009

Jennifer Ellison's fitness DVD

Jennifer Ellison's fitness DVD

What? Ex-Brookside Scouser with anti-gravity breasts bounces around in the name of exercise.

She’ll think: “How sweet – he really does care about my health and well-being. Where’s that Dairy Milk?”

The reality: Jen’s impossibly taught frame will inspire her to either A) actually lose some weight or B) call you an insensitive prick and throw it back in your face. So providing you’re stocked up on Kleenex, it’s win-win.

How much? Dirt cheap. Because it’s shit, presumably.

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