In a world getting busier still, there are times when you need to have your baby close - but she's so far away. Technology can assist, but long-distance sex isn't for noobs. Scarlet magazine editrix Laura Goodman, herself no stranger to cyber-lovin', has the crash course.
On the phone
DON'T start the conversation off with a graphic description of fucking her, says Laura. Just because we're on the phone doesn't mean foreplay goes out the window. Start your conversation suggestively. Something like, 'Hey baby, I've been thinking about you tonight. Wishing I was with you. I'd love to hold you in my arms right now. What about you?' Then she can carry the conversation on, perhaps by saying, 'Yeah, I wish I was kissing you,' and then you can tellher where you'd start kissing and so forth - just like in real life, only you're telling her what you'd do, rather than just doing it.
DO replace actions with words. In detail. Expand on everything you say. Quite how are you going down on me? And what exactly are you doing at the same time? The more colour, the better.
DO swear. Although we don't want the conversation to be a constant stream of expletives, filth can really get us going.
DON'T sit back like you're paying £1.50/min. Interact, just like if you were in the room together, even if it's just to say 'Baby, that's so good'. Ask her what she wants as it's easier for the speaker to change the direction of the conversation.
DO make noises. Enthusiastic groaning is in order every now and then, it's what she's used to hearing in real life. When it's your turn to make her come though it's important to keep up the descriptions.
DO put her on speaker phone. She'll probably have had you on speaker phone from the moment of answering (if we're lying down, we rest it at the top of our cleavage - that's the perfect distance from our mouths and it stays in place there). If in doubt, ask her if she minds, but do it right at the start because it'll kill the mood if you ask in the middle of pretend-going-down on her.
DON'T be surprised if modern ladies are completely up for it. Seriously, women these days are a lot more sexually adventurous, confirms Laura. Most of us are more concerned with having decent enough bandwidth so you don't miss a second of the show.
DO offer sincere encouragement. Girls may be worried that we look awful on cam - it has a tendency to make us mega-yellow or an eerie blue. Reassure us that we look good. Distract her from the negatives and get on to the sexy talk. Say, 'I really like that negligee you're wearing. Let me look closer at it.' If she's still focused on her appearance, say, 'Actually, you look hot. I've got a really good view of your cleavage from this angle.' Failing that, tell her to disable the own-cam view at her end, so she won't be so distracted by her own appearance.
DO wire her up beforehand. Avoid helping her set up via webcam, it'll take ages to explain things and there's a potential for a row over how exactly to change the contrast. Which is hardly passion-inducing.
Laura Goodman is the editor of Scarlet magazine; scarletmagazine.co.uk
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