001 “Cool cars get you fanny”

TRUE: Annoyingly for Skoda, Daewoo etc, the age-old adage is true. Want to get them wet? Get a ’Vette. Or indeed, any pedigree car: in 2005, insurance company Hiscox found when female subjects heard a Maserati’s engine, they experienced tangible sexual excitement. In fact, all 40 women in the study reported “tingly sensations” from the sports car.

And even worse: the study also concluded that not only were chicks turned completely off by the sound of a VW Polo, but it actually lowered testosterone levels – in both men and women. So a ‘penis extension’ may actually extend your penis: ironic.

002 “Men think about sex every 7 secs”

FALSE: A stat beloved by tutting housewives moaning about their husbands wanting sex once a month. And yet it’s all absolute balls. In fact, 30% of men don’t think about sex during the day at all: the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University reports that 54% of men think about sex at least every day and 43% think about it a few times a week or month.

More boring still? Psychologists at Leeds Uni found that “the most common sexual fantasy in men is sex with a loved partner”. Still: didn’t say it had to be your partner.

003 “Sporty blokes get all the women”

FALSE: Despite an entire movie genre dedicated to perpetuating the jock/nerd divide, it turns out that chicks really do dig brains over brawn. Psychologists at Elon University in the US showed videos of different men doing activities (intelligence, creativity and physical tasks such as catching kickboxing) to 200 college girls.

The result? They preferred geniuses for both long-term relationships and one-night stands. Up to you how you convince them that four GCSEs equals ‘intelligent’, mind.

004 “Wanking makes you blind”

FALSE: The oldest of old wives’ tales, and one dismissed for good by the American College of Optometrists. They found the only possible link might be that semen contains a large amount of zinc, and a zinc deficiency might cause a person’s vision to decline.

But they estimated you’d have to jostle and not eat for over three weeks to achieve this. And far more lethal is not wanking, ironically: tests on celibate priests found them to have far higher incidences of prostate cancer. So fwap away; the science world demands it.