Dear Angels, I had a one-night stand the other week, and while I thought it was fine, the girl complained that it went on for too long. Eh? Is there such a thing? I thought we were all supposed to be exercising those muscles under our balls and practising tantric sex so we could go on for hours? And if we’re not, is there an optimum length?
Paul Foster, via e-mail
Angel Steph: Beyond some general guidelines sex is all about the moment and chemistry. One-night stands tend to be more about hot, steamy passion whereas sex in a relationship has more emotion involved, so what you might consider a top performance was too intimate for her. As a rule, once she’s come a couple of times, let yourself go, too. Angel Jen: Even good sex can go on for too long. There’s no optimum length of time, it depends on lots of things: the kind of sex – lovemaking or hard fuck – or even how much sex you’ve had recently. But be aware: if it goes on for ages we can get sore – and nobody likes a raw hide.
Dear Angels, I’m getting on a bit – I’m 35 – but am still single. Just recently a new girl has started at the office and we’ve been flirting on e-mail. I think she’s interested, but how do I make a move without seeming like a pervy old man who’s abusing his workplace seniority?
Anon, via e-mail
Angel Eleanor: Aaliyah was right: age really ain’t nothing but a number. If you were 25 and she wasn’t interested you would still be the office perv. Flirting on e-mail is a good sign so why don’t you ask her out via e-mail. As much as she may want to, your girl is unlikely to ask out her boss. Being an older man, you’ve probably got a better car/house/pay packet to offer than the spotty graduates she sits next to. So go for it, and good luck! Angel Jen: As the saying goes, birds don’t shit in their own nest. Make 100% sure she’s interested before making a move. Because if you do and she’s not, work will very quickly become a nightmare. Plus, the more you worry about being a pervy old man, the more you’ll end up looking like one.
Dear Angels, I’m in my late 20s and can’t drive. It’s never bothered me and I don’t feel any particular need to. But I’ve noticed that my girlfriend’s parents are starting to be a bit weird about it, like I’m ‘less of a man’ or some sort of waster. Is this just the old-timers talking bollocks or do younger women think this as well?
DH, via e-mail
Angel Jen: To be completely honest I’m always sceptical of adults who can’t drive. It is a bit weird. For a 17-year-old, getting a driving licence symbolises independence and responsibility. You have to wonder about somebody who doesn’t want that. Perhaps the old-timers are on to something. I can’t speak for all women, but in my opinion there is something less masculine and even a bit wimpy about men who can’t drive. There’s also something incredibly sexy about guys who know what they’re doing under the bonnet – a licence is the first step. Angel Anna: Bad news, DH. I think that most younger women would agree with the olds. The good news is that it’s not your manliness that’s in question. Driving is a necessary life skill for both sexes. As far as most of us are concerned, it’s also a bit of a chore, like the washing up or the ironing. If you’re opting out, it’s bound to become an issue at some point in a relationship, not least when she has to spend another Saturday night nursing a lime and soda in order to taxi home your drunken evil twin.
Dear Angels, I’m on good terms with an ex of mine. She recently texted me about something innocuous, and I replied. I then received a fairly abusive message from her number, but clearly written by her boyfriend. She hasn’t mentioned anything and I can only assume that he’s been going through her phone, reading messages and replying to them ‘on her behalf’. Frankly, my ‘psycho alert’ has gone off – should I warn her about him? I don’t want to sound like I’m trying to get back with her…
James Border, Tranmere
Angel Steph: You want my advice? Unless you really think she’s at risk, stay out of it, maybe he is a jealous boyfriend, but it’s not your place any more to get involved. It’s highly likely that she will get upset with you because you will be the one delivering the bad news – even if you genuinely have her best interests at heart. I’m sure he’s not the first guy to check up on his girlfriend. Angel Anna: If you’re on good terms with her, you’re probably still in touch with mutual friends. Have a quiet word with a mate you can trust, just to see if they have any similar concerns about him (erring on the safe side of an outright accusation). If so, you can leave it up to them to speak to her about it. If not, at least they’ll be on the lookout for further erratic behaviour from psycho boy.
Dear Angels, My missus got me a surprise weekend away for my birthday. All very nice, except it clashes with a friend’s stag do. She’ll understand, right? Or, to be more specific, how do I break the bad news?
Joe Roilip, via e-mail
Angel Anna: Don’t start off on the defensive. Your approach should be upfront: “What a nightmare situation” not “I’ve messed up”. A mate’s stag do is a one-off, so she should understand. Make it clear you’re 100% committed to your weekend away, and that you’ll pay any costs involved in rebooking it for another weekend. Another tip is to make your confession sound worse than it is initially, starting with “I’ve had some really bad news” then explaining, so she’s relieved when you tell her.