FHM went to The Q Awards 2013 to see who would be named the greatest musical acts of 2013, drink some beer and hopefully get to chat up the lovely Ellie Goulding. Here's what we learned...
01 Jake Bugg is not big on lengthy speeches.
02 Kurt Cobain has risen from the dead. Wait, no - it's just Tim Burgess from The Charlatans.
03 Robbie Williams has reinvented himself as a minimalist French artist.
04 Ellie Goulding is proper lovely, but doesn't have a clue who Robert Downey Jr is.
05 For some reason, all the award winners were really glad that David Bowie didn't turn up.
06 Proper musicians are really awkward when it comes to presenting. But that's because they're proper musicians and they're meant to be all weird and shy.
07 Classic Songwriter award-winner Chrissie Hynde uttered the words, "I'd like to thank all the guys I had to fuck to get this award," before calling out Robbie Williams and turning to Al Murray, telling him, "You're next."
08 Michael Eavis, the founder of Glastonbury Festival, turned up wearing shorts. Why? Because he invented Glastonbury, that's why!
09 Ronnie Wood is punching way above his weight and appropriate age bracket.
10 Despite having tape on his face, "artist" The Boy With Tape On His Face is still capable of presenting an award. And freaking out some spectators.
Celebrity quick-fire round
WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE WORD BEGINNING WITH Q?
Wretch 32: Quarantine. Sometimes it's good. I feel like I'm in quarantine whenever I'm in the studio. Whatever's in is in, and whatever's out is on another planet.
Eliza Doolittle: Queen, obviously.
Vampire Weekend: Quixotic.
Al Murray: Quesadilla. I don't know what it means.
Ellie Goulding: Quiche. I like a quiche.
IF THERE WAS A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, WHO WOULD YOUR TEAMMATE BE?
Al Murray: Tom Cruise, because they'd eat him instead of me. I'm saving the world from Tom Cruise.
Vampire Weekend: We're big fans of World War Z, so it'd have to be Brad Pitt.
Wretch 32: Example. He looks like he knows how to kill zombies. And he's my mate too, so we'd have a laugh doing it.
Eliza Doolittle: Stephen Fry. He'd be able to get us out of it.
Ellie Goulding: I'm so uncool, I can't think of anyone.
IF YOU HAD A PORTRAIT PAINTED OF A GREAT MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE, TO HANG ABOVE YOUR BED FOR ALL ETERNITY, WHAT WOULD THAT MOMENT BE?
Vampire Weekend: We all got to meet the cast of Breaking Bad at a party, so we'd get a 15 x 8ft painting of a picture we had taken with them.
Ellie Goulding: Performing the first song for Prince William and Kate. That was a very special moment. Shame I lost the photos!
Wretch 32: My first tour. I didn't think it was going to sell out. You play all these venues and nightclubs and, suddenly, the guy they're all coming to see is you. It's quite surreal.
Al Murray: Me singing at The O2 with Queen.
Eliza Doolittle: Whenever I get a diamond album.
The Q Awards 2013 Winners
• Best New Act: Jake Bugg
• Best Track: Arctic Monkeys - Do I Wanna Know?
• Poet Laureate: John Cooper Clarke
• Classic Songwriter: Chrissie Hynde
• Best Event: Glastonbury Festival
• Best Video: Manic Street Preachers - Show Me The Wonder
• Spirit of Independence: Belle and Sebastian
• Classic Album: Happy Mondays - Bummed
• Best Live Act: Foals
• Best Album: Biffy Clyro - Opposites
• Q Icon: Suede
• Best Solo Act: Ellie Goulding
• Best Act In The World Today: Vampire Weekend
• Q Idol: Robbie Williams
• Outstanding Contribution To Music: Pet Shop Boys