To celebrate the release of The Hobbit on Virgin Media, FHM were invited along to a makeshift Middle-earth for the day. Admittedly, our intrepid web reporters had only seen the first Lord of the Rings film, so were curious to find out what goes down at a Hobbit do.

Much like the movie, our experience was like that of a road movie. We came away having learned some of life's most important lessons…

01 Receiving a letter with a wax seal can be the highlight of your day and you WILL momentarily think you have been accepted into Hogwarts.

What we learned at The Hobbit

02 Once you've entered adulthood, the delirious excitement of seeing "Santa" in his shopping centre grotto is replaced with the perplexed amusement of seeing a real-life Gandalf in the woods.

What we learned at The Hobbit

03 Middle-earth is full of bread.

What we learned at The Hobbit

04 Dwarf actors are super nice.

What we learned at The Hobbit

05 Hobbit chicken sparkles.

What we learned at The Hobbit

06 How to make fire.

What we learned at The Hobbit

07 You will drink anything if it's served to you in a goblet.

What we learned at The Hobbit

08 One of these "hobbits" admitted that he'd never actually seen any of the films. But we can't tell you which one or he'll be banished from the Shire.

What we learned at The Hobbit

09 Nobody will judge you for eating a dinner consisting solely of meat and pastry.

What we learned at The Hobbit

10 Gandalf is not allowed cider. "It makes me got to the dark side," he told us.

What we learned at The Hobbit

 

11 If you give us a cape as a souvenir, we WILL use it to launch our careers as magicians.

What we learned at The Hobbit

12 Chickens go NUTS for whimsical shire music.

What we learned at The Hobbit

13 If you don't pay attention to the film because you've drunk too much mulled cider and eaten too much sparkly chicken, you will emerge from your giant gazebo in a perplexed state.

What we learned at The Hobbit

14 Hobbit feet are really comfy.

What we learned at The Hobbit

15 The Hobbit is out NOW on Virgin Media.

The Hobbit poster