Last week, the chaps over at Red Bull challenged FHM to take part in a dinkle-shrinkingly freezing, 30-foot ice climb to celebrate the launch of Red Bull Zero.
"Zero sugar. Zero calories." Zero chance of us making it out in one piece.
But we’re never ones to shy away from a heart-pumping man challenge (or the chance to make use of our awesome arsenal of Arnie-inspired ice puns), so we donned our hard hats, reached for some bad-ass pick-axes and took our first unsteady step on the slippery road to Bear Grylls-esque glory.
These are just some of the things we learned on our vertical venture.
01 Apparently Red Bull does not actually give you wings.
Which totally screwed up our back-up plan. Instead, we made our way up the icy wall of death through a combination of brute strength, gymnast-like balance and constant crying.
02 Twerking isn’t easy whilst dangling in mid-air.
But damn is it satisfying.
03 You sweat. Loads.
You’d think it would be easy to keep your cool at -10 degrees but we came out of our sub-zero adventure dripping from bruised head to broken toe.
04 It’s the perfect opportunity to shoot your album cover.
Never before in history have three people covered in dangerous weapons (that look a bit like robot swans) looked less threatening.
05 Everybody’s nice to you when you’re carrying sharp objects
Adventure undertaken by Nick Pope.