Last night, FHM tackled the four-hour, two-part, third installment of Lars Von Trier's "Trilogy of Depression" about one woman's insatiable sex drive. Get ready to be in boner limbo...

01 Four hours is nowhere near as bad as it sounds.


A hefty running time can put a lot of people off, but Nymphomaniac uses a good technique to make it more bearable. Just like Tarantino's Kill Bill, it's split into two parts and divided up into chapters.

This makes it a lot easier to get through the epic in one sitting. Alongside the fact that it includes a massive cast of characters, a helluva lot of sword play, blowjobs and the odd spot of violence...

02 This is not porn masquerading as art.

Every so often, a film will come out that gets people's backs (or fronts) up because it's basically a shagfest with no substance. Nymphomaniac is not one of those films.

Yes, there's a lot of graphic sex, but you will feel uncomfortable, you will feel uneasy and your boner is guaranteed to guiltily bow its head or retreat in horror by the time the next gut-punching scene starts.

03 The bush really is back.

Not a bare front bottom in sight! And solid proof that we were right about our lady garden predictions.

04 Once again, Shia LaBeouf is punching above his weight.

Not only is everyone's favourite knobhead in the movie (with a completely bewildering accent) but his off-screen girlfriend Mia Goth puts in an alluring, seductive performance. She is hauntingly hot. And makes good faces like this.



05 It's actually very, very good.

It's easy to dismiss these arty films as a load of nonsense, but the way Nymphomaniac tackles issues of sex, gender, religion and taboos will have you thinking and discussing it for days and days.

It's a real eye-opener with a solid, fearless cast. If you think you can handle it, do. But be warned, Von Trier ain't renowned for making flaky, family comedies...

Words by Ally Sinyard. Follow her awesomeness on Twitter.