It's been a long week of settee warming telly viewing - here's a few questions we'd like a few answers for this week...
Er, what now? (The World Cup, various channels)
Watching Götze take Germany to spectacular victory in Rio on Sunday, we were dragged kicking and screaming into an uncertain month where football is notable by its absence.
In an effort to making to make channel-hopping more exciting, we’ve resorted to inventing late night TV bingo.
Two points for fusty political debate, three for sign-language reruns of UK Border Force and ten for stumbling across the sort of badly dubbed Euro-porn that’ll make you call an exorcist to cleanse your telly.
How are people this gullible? (I Wanna Marry Harry, ITV)
Twelve all-American girls battle for the affections of a dodgy Prince Harry-alike, apparently clueless that he’s not in fact fourth in line to the throne but actually a flame-haired budget Hugh Grant.
That’s the premise of ITV2’s royally bonkers I Wanna Marry Harry which concluded on Wednesday when winner Kimberley claimed she’d known all along, presumably on realising all she’d won was a lifetime of mockery.
As ridiculous TV pitches go it’d fit on Alan Partridge’s list alongside Inner City Sumo and Cooking in Prison, yet we were glued to the sofa like we’d been trapped by a real life Bernard’s Watch.
Who’s going to replace Alan? (Player and Pundit, BBC)
Face it, we’ll miss him. Alan Hansen’s two decades as Match of the Day’s king of chat was rounded off with Player and Pundit, Gary Lineker’s sentimental trawl through the archives celebrating one of punditry’s most enduring figures.
That familiar Scots drawl has been berating piss-poor defenses longer than half the FHM office can remember, devils advocate he often may be but we can’t deny that few people match him for bewilderingly in-depth analysis.
But, someone’s got to have a go, though, and we’re backing Rihanna after her furious tweeting on Sunday night.
Where the hell has the last fifteen years gone? (Big Brother, Channel 5)
We’d fallen off the Big Brother wagon many a year back, but it turns out 15 years later, fame-seekers still get locked in a studio to brazenly argue and shag in more or less equal measure.
The original reality show remains devoted to its quest for shamelessly addictive viewing particular highlights this week being new arrival Bianca, who’s especially fond of prancing around topless and forcing housemates to accept lap dances.
Sophisticated telly it’s not but guilty brilliance it definitely is.
Chlamydia is good banter now? (The Secret Life of Students, Channel 4)
When we were at uni our lives were a massive blur of boozing, vomiting and excruciatingly embarrassing sexual voyages of discovery.
In Channel 4’s new documentary it seems uni is still pretty much the same. Which is sort of comforting, if not a bit embarrasing when you look back on your own time. The show should be a boring and old news but it's powered by the fact that the documentary team are wired into the students phones and social media accounts.
So basically, we see everything. Highlights of which are seeing a young student get chlamydia and immediatly brush it off as excellent banter. Which is quite frankly, terrygying. From Chlamydia bants to homesickness - it's a rollercoaster ride that make you wish you were a student. Except for the chlamydia bits.
Can golf fill that football-shaped hole? (BBC)
If you tilt your head slightly and squint a bit, it’s relatively easy to transform The Open into a decent substitute for the World Cup.
After all, there’s still grass and a ball. It should be easy right, if you can just ignore that there are fewer players, fewer lovely WAGs, an extremely polite crowd and a serious commentary stance with words we don’t know and – oh, forget it. It’s golf.
Words by Alastair Livesley, follow his mind on Twitter: @Allivesley