There are two types of troll. One is a supernatural being in Norse mythology and Scandinavian folklore, the other is someone who goes on the internet and upsets people purely for entertainment. Much as we like the idea of dwelling in caves, we thought we'd be better at the latter.

In some corners of the internet, you see, people will tell you that they hate you and want to kill you in the face just because your opinion varies ever so slightly from theirs. It's mean. But hilarious. So we set about offering constructive criticism to various football teams, musicians and actors - trolling, if you will - to test the intensity of feeling.

Be warned: profanity exists on the internet.

Arsenal FC
FHM said: "Arsenal. It's safe to say they're getting worse."
Gunnerman said: "Fucking dumb shit do you know anything about football? Why did you even join this forum you fucking fat piece of shit."

Chris Brown
FHM said: "Chris Brown's jeans look baggy and wrinkled. He should invest in a nice slim-cut pair from GAP."
GossipMonsta9 said: "FUCK U Chris is STREET something you prob don't know SHIT about! GO FUCK YOURSELF."

Justin Bieber
FHM said: "Are absolutely all Justin Bieber fans 12-year-old girls?"
Justinbieberlover156 said: "That is so wrong my mom says he is talented and there are many 18 year BOYS that love him ONE EVEN CRIED and my cousin only sleeps on his music and she is 2 years old."

Justin Bieber

Robert Pattinson
FHM said: "I'm quite disappointed with Robert Pattinson. His acting has really slipped in the latest Twilight film."
Teamjoseph91 said: "Er ACTUALLY IF YOU KNEW ANYTHING you'd know it's a really complex character to play COULD YOU DO BETTER? Probably NO!"

Liverpool FC
FHM said: "Liverpool's performance, overall, is poor."
Proudly 85 said: "Ur the kind of scum that has nothing else to do and eventually molests kids u fucking homo."

Harry Potter
FHM said: "Retrospectively, Harry's a bit of a moody git in the books. Discuss."
Lupintwinn said: "Of course he's angry, a corrupt wizard murdered his parents you senseless prick."

FHM said: "Glee has lost the dynamic edge it used to have. I'm really disappointed with the last season."
Brittana3481 said: "While I think the Finn x Rachel development was good, you're kinda right. Some of it sucked."

"Some of it sucked"

Manchester United FC
FHM said: "Really, Manchester United are a bit rubbish, aren't they?"
Pain9889 said: "All barcelona fans are smartarse cocks."

Lady Gaga
FHM said: "Lady Gaga fans are surely in need of a little help."
Lakii95 said: "Fuck you. Enough said."

FHM said: "Look, let's be honest. JLS are pushing the 'metrosexual' thing to breaking point."
Thebuzz1212 said: "Actually, they don't even look gay, they look hot and sexy. I can't believe you said that! You will find that JLS have a big audience and they're really good!"

Maybe we should have taken our chances with those Norwegian trolls, after all... 

Buy the awesome new movie Troll Hunter on DVD and Blu-ray now.


Available now at Amazon, £10.99

"Troll Hunter is magnificent" - Jonathan Ross

"The best monster movie since Jurassic Park" - The Sunday Mirror