EUROBALLS, WHAT IS THIS DIZZYNESS, MILD PANIC AND ITCHING SKIN? THIS UNSETTLING FEELING?

Horrible isn’t it? We’re trapped in the middle of a Euro 2012 void. Today is the second consecutive day without a match, the first time we’ve gone so long without football since the whole tournament first began.

Dark clouds loom everywhere you look. Confused, afraid football fans wander the streets like zombies. Blackboards outside pubs display the words "Don’t come in here – there’s booze but there’s no actual point." Mobile psychiatrists treat grown men who have broken down through an absence of analysis from Jamie Carragher.

Be strong gentle reader, for it will soon be over. Portugal v Spain will be with us tomorrow night and it’ll be a throbbing hunk of football sex. We promise. If you’re of the gambling persuasion, you can get 9/2 with William Hill on it going all the way to a penalty shootout.

Or how about a Cristiano Ronaldo masterclass? 8/1 for the anti-shy prima donna to score two or more goals tomorrow night might be worth bunging your shiny golden coin on…

WHAT ABOUT THE FUTURE OF ENGLAND?

Yesterday’s men are heading back home to the interest of no one in particular, but it looks as though it’s going to be more of the same as they attempt to book an appointment to disappoint us all in Brazil in two years time.

Roy Hodgson has obviously been watching his Dad’s Army DVD on his iPad on the flight back home and has said that he’ll be sticking with the old guard like Gerrard, Cole and Terry for the foreseeable future, with the players themselves seemingly indicating that they want all to head for South America and balls it all up one last time.

ANY MORE FALL-OUT FOR THE OTHER EURO 2012 FAILURES?

Lots of finger-pointing and blame-slinging in the corridors of football associations across the continent as the blazer-wearers try to pin fault on anyone except for themselves.

The French FA are well narked over Samir Nasri’s use of industrial language against a journalist after the defeat to Spain, and are said to be considering banning the midfielder/global irritant from the team for the next two years. 

For a team that stank out most of the matches they played in, that’s REALLY going to make everything better. Imagine if the FA had banned Rooney after his 2010 World Cup outburst against booing England fans. To be fair, everything would probably have been exactly the same.

Meanwhile, the head of the Russian FA has quit following a meeting with Vladimir Putin. Or has he? As the old Soviet saying goes, ‘you do not quit Russian FA; Russian FA quits YOU’… Visit William Hill for all the best Euro 2012 odds...

Bet on Euro 2012 with FHM's betting partner William Hill

(Picture by Jez Arnold (Tumbleweed) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons)