SO, WHO PERISHED IN THE ‘GROUP OF DEATH’ THEN?

It was the Dutch who finished bottom of the group in the end – although that was a surprise to no one as they were shite from start to finish. Even Andy Townsend could see that they were playing as a group of individuals with little or no team ethic to glue them together. Losing 2-1 against Portugal meant that they head home with ZERO points.

Denmark also missed out, thanks to a 2-1 defeat in the other Group B match, this time at the über-efficient, robotic hands of the not-all-that-mighty-yet-but-still-fairly-mighty Germans, thus sealing their place on the slow boat out of the tournament. 

WHO’S THE SADDEST DANISH PLAYER TODAY?

That’ll be Nicklas Bendtner, although it’s got very little to do with his footballing activities. The delusional genius has just been fined €100,000 (about £80k) by UEFA for yanking the top of his pants out of his shorts after scoring against Portugal. The real crime was the wording on said pants – the name of a company that WASN’T on the list of official tournament sponsors. 

Vile, shocking behaviour, as we’re sure you’ll agree. Certainly much worse than the racist chanting from Croatia fans that earned them a £10,000 fine back in 2008. Bendtner will also serve a one-match ban which should give him plenty of time to reflect on how pissing about with the message of sponsors at a UEFA tournament is eight times worse than something that is an actual criminal offence. Imagine if they were RACIST PANTS!

IT’S ALL MAKING US A BIT GLUM EUROBALLS – GOT ANYTHING TO CHEER US UP?

How about some footage of a Ukrainian TV presenter trying and failing to film a simple link while Dutch fans stream by on their way to their match the other night? See how many stereotypical football fans you can spot interrupting her as she gets driven round the bend with their constant interruptions. 

WHAT’S GOING ON IN GROUP C TONIGHT?

Ireland are out but if they can beat Italy it could have a big impact on the outcome of the group. They won’t, obviously, and we reckon the Italians will cruise to a comfortable win. You can back that, with a Pirlo goal thrown in for 9/2.

Elsewhere, Spain and Croatia meet up in the evening’s tastier tie. Assuming the Italians will beat the Irish, the winner of Spain and Croatia will make it through to the quarter finals. We’re tipping Xabi Alonso to score the first or last goal – that’ll be 12/1 with William Hill.

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