Yes chums, our meat quest continues. After last time’s delicious but admittedly unadventurous exploration of beef, we decided to go off-piste and devour some delicious safari animals (and some Wagyu). If we can eat it, we will. That’s our new motto. So we got in touch with some people called Jeanette Edgar and Rachel Godwin who work for tremendous online meat delivery service Alternative Meats and said something along the lines of “FEED US FEED US FEED US FEED US FEED US FEED US FEED US FEED US FEED US FEED US FEED US FEED US FEED US FEED US FEED US FEED US FEED US FEED US FEED US FEED US FEED US FEED US FEED US FEED US FEED US FEED US FEED US FEED US” and then they did. Here's what happened:

Olly Richards

Cut:
Wagyu beef steak, from a cow that had a lovely time being massaged and fed beer somewhere in Wales. He died all relaxed and pissed, so I felt better about eating it.

Method:
When cooking something regarded as possibly the best beef in the world I didn't want to bugger about with it. I just lightly oiled the meat, whacked it in a hot pan for two minutes on each side, seasoned, let it rest for a few minutes, then ate it.

Accompanied by:
A delicious sweet potato mash made with olive oil instead of butter (this makes it taste ace), plus some tender stem broccoli that I threw in the pan after the beef before adding some chopped garlic and letting it cook on a low heat while the meat rested.

Deliciousness:
Excellent. The steak was undoubtedly the best I've ever cooked at home. It was perfectly pink in the middle and the knife glided through it like a lightsaber through pudding. The taste was a lot more interesting than your usual steak. Perhaps it was because I knew it had been fed beer, but there was definitely a bit of a taste of hops. Anyway, it was delicious. Eight noms out of ten.

Alan Kindell

Cut:
A bit of a ostrich.

Method:
Pan fried in a very hot pan with a little olive oil and a squidge of black pepper for no more than two minutes each side. Then left to rest for 10 minutes before serving to let the blood really flow.

Accompanied by:
Buttered mash potatoes, red cabbage (with apple, onion, ginger and vegetable stock), red wine jus (made from red wine (dur!), beef stock, garlic and the blood from the ostrich steak) and a nice bottle of plonk.

Deliciousness:
Sensational. Ostrich may look like a giant chicken, but its flesh is very gamey. If you’re a fan of pheasant, but find it overpowering sometimes, this is the bird for you. Rich, but not over-rich, just make sure you have it rare.

Chris Mandle

Cut:
A big fat steaky cut of wildebeest.

Method:
With Google bringing up a total of 6 results regarding how to cook wildebeest, I realised that even the internet has its limits. No problem. I used logic and tact to cook my prey, seasoning it well before cooking it for about 25 minutes.

Accompanied by:
After I bought ready-mashed mash in the last challenge I was determined to go one mile extra than the extra mile. Buttery, herby home-made mash accompanied the steak, as well as a portion of honey-glazed carrots. Washed down with a glass of Tropicana ‘cos I was low on my 5-a-day.

Deliciousness:
It was very nice, embodying the saltiness of pork with the steakiness of steak. The meat was melt-in-the-mouth and should I ever get abandoned in a Savanahh, I know which animal I’ll be hunting down.

Stuart Hood

Cut:
Two kangaroo fillet steaks

Method:
Cut/ripped into chunks with blunt scissors, then grilled with courgette and green and yellow pepper on a kebab. Note: no kebab skewers, so used chopsticks. And the George Foreman was covered in crud, so I used an actual grill.

Accompanied by:
Wholemeal pitta bread (it’s a kebab, duh). Oh, and, in my flatmate’s case: HP sauce, because “we didn’t have any chilli or garlic sauce and the meat was really dry”. Followed by Haribo Candy Mix. Not as good as Starmix, if you care.

Deliciousness:
Meh. This could have been due to my over grilling and lack of marinade. Or the meat’s low fat content making it dry, like turkey. Either way, meh.

Sam Toy

Cut:
Camel ribeye steak

Method:
Avoided my first instinct for all things meat – pan-fry the bastard – and followed some advice from the internet which told me to grill it at 250 degrees for seven minutes on each side, getting it as close as possible to medium (which is longer than I would normally cook it for, but I like to be cautious when eating new species). I covered half of the steak in a chermoula rub (a tasty North African blend of spices), and left the other half bare for tasting purposes.

Accompanied by:
Streamed green beans, broccoli and asparagus tips, on a bed of couscous strewn with chopped mixed capsicum, fresh thyme and wholegrain mustard.

Deliciousness:
Not inconsiderable, and I have to say that if I didn’t know what it was, I would have guessed it was a very good lamb leg steak. That is no bad thing in my book.

Tom Howard

Cut:
Zebra steak

Method:
According to the internet, zebra meat is very similar to venison and should treated as such in a stew, or roasted, or pan-fried, or other sensible methods of cooking meat. Obviously I ignored this advice and decided to make fajitas with it instead, mainly because I’d had chicken fajitas the night before and had lots of leftover ingredients. So I chopped up a pepper and an onion and cut the zebra into strips and put all the ingredients in a bowl and marinated them with olive oil, cumin and paprika. Ten minutes later, I popped it all in a frying pan until the meat was medium rare.

Accompanied by:
Tortilla wraps, guacamole, sour cream, salsa, salad.

Deliciousness:
High. I was very surprised by the tenderness of the meat but struggled to eat the whole thing because I couldn’t get the niggling feeling that I was eating a horse out of my mind. A lovely, stripy jungle horse.

IN CONCLUSION: