We've had our eyelids prised open with matchsticks as we watched EVERYTHING over the past 24 hours - time to hand out the medals to those who deserve them...
BRONZE MEDAL FOR… LETTING ACTUAL HUMAN PEOPLE ATTEND THE GAMES:
Locog, the shadowy Olympic overlords, have wrestled back unused tickets from fun-hating sporting officials who haven’t been bothering to use them for various reasons.
These sick bastards have had their Olympic privileges revoked and will now NOT get to go to today’s gymnastics, beach volleyball and swimming, even though they probably had no intention of going anyway.
3,000 tickets have been resold, meaning that the kids, teachers and soldiers who were drafted in to fill seats yesterday will be sent back to wherever they came from as well. Tough luck suckers!
SILVER MEDAL FOR… SCREWING IT ALL UP EVEN THOUGH IT LOOKED PRETTY GOOD TO US:
That’s Team GB’s diving duo Tom Daley and Peter Waterfield, who have missed out on medals after they cocked up their fourth dive and disappointed with their fifth... apparently.
We watched the whole thing and those two ‘offensive’ dives looked no better or worse than their first three to our untrained eyes. But the judges weren’t impressed and the most spectacular dive of all from the Brit pair was their one down the rankings, finishing in fourth place and winning NO MEDALS.
GOLD MEDAL FOR… MOST EYEBROW-RAISING PERFORMANCE OF THE GAMES:
There’s LOADS of nudging and mumbling going on following the astounding swim by Chinese teen Yi Shiwen in the women’s 400 metre medley. 16-year-old Yi looked more like a shark that had been fitted with an outboard motor than a teenage lady human, posting some times that John Leonard, the executive director of the World Swimming Coaches Association described as “unbelievable” and “disturbing”. He might have rolled his eyes, shrugged his shoulders and mouthed the word 'cheat' at the same time. Although he probably definitely didn't.
The Chinese swimmer broke the world record while winning gold, covering the last 50 metres even quicker than Ryan Lochte, who won the men’s equivalent race. Oh yeah, and HE did it in the second-fastest time ever.
Hmmm… is there something dodgy going on or is it all sour grapes from the American coach? Maybe China have got the new Usain Bolt of the water? We eagerly await the results of any dope tests…
Please see below the links to the A510 on acer.co.uk and our Facebook page.