“Poetic justice,” that’s how Seb Coe described the twist of fate that saw a drunken oaf sat next to one of the women from the Dutch judo team for the 100m Final on Sunday night. “Absolutely hilarious,” is how we’d put it. Imagine. One minute, you’re attempting to ruin one of the greatest sporting events because you’re a massive, massive berk, the next minute you’re being beaten up by someone you’d assumed to be a harmless girl. Ha! But this was no ordinary girl. This was the onomatopoeically appropriate Edith BOSCH showing us how justice should be dispensed; as quickly and as humiliatingly as possible.

In retrospect, he probably should have just run the 800m properly. You can see why Algerian athlete Taoufik Makhloufi wanted to stay fresh for the final of the 1500m, he had far more of a chance of a medal there, but there are ways of subtly under-performing. Faking an injury, for example, or false starting yourself out of contention. Maybe you could just run fast enough to keep up with everyone else, but not so fast that you beat them. We’re no experts. We’re just suggesting that it might not have been wise to jog like a fat man in the park and then wander off the track after 200m apparently in search of an ice cream van. 
Poor Beth Twaddle. An almost flawless routine in what was surely her final Olympic outing and she was undone by the only bit of the sport we really understand; the landing. Those two heavy steps were the difference between the bronze medal she won and the higher honours that eluded her. But let’s not take anything away from her performance. The very fact that she was even competing is a testament to medical technology and sheer bloody mindedness. Battered and broken by a decade at the top, she’s been sleeping with an ice machine on her leg for the last year just to hold the swelling at bay. A new meaning to the complaint, “Christ, your feet are cold, love.” 

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