How to win at life with the best of FHMManFood

Posted by , 07 March 2014

Jaguar Skills presents: funktastic milkshake recipes and the ultimate food prep playlist

Jaguar Skills presents: funktastic milkshake recipes and the ultimate food prep playlist

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  • Introduction
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Whether you’re frying bacon in your pants or preparing a romantic meal for two (in your pants), listening to some tasty ditties while you do so makes it all the more enjoyable. We asked Jaguar Skills, cut-n-paste DJ wizard and milkshake-maker extraordinaire, for his ultimate food-prep playlist and funkiest fluid recipes...*

 

Deep Fried Ninja Style HobNobs

 
You will need:
2 cups Nesquik
2 eggs
1 1/2 cups milk
3 teaspoons of oil
HobNobs
Vegetable oil (enough for deep frying)
 
The method:
Blend the Nesquik, eggs, milk and oil until smooth. Dip the HobNobs in the batter mixture until totally covered and then place in hot vegetable oil. Keep a close watch because it only takes a short time for them to go brown. Remove the HobNobs and eat warm.
 
Audio accompaniment:
Sesame Street, C Is For Cookie (Larry Levan’s Funky Version Special Disco Mix)
“Name me one disco record that's better for deep frying cookies too? There is none. This tune is the definitive biscuit related disco tune.”
 

Coca Sake Cola Ninja

 
You will need:
Coca Cola
Sake
1 tsp sugar
2 tbsp espresso
 
The method:

Mix the Coke and sake. Mix in the sugar and coffee. Enjoy.
 
Audio accompaniment:
Pendulum, Blood Sugar
“I probably play this tune at every one of my gigs. It's a 100% guaranteed winner. Drink with a pint of Coffee Sake Cola to add a little distortion to the tune, making it even more banging.”
 

The Jaguar Jug

 
You will need:
A Jug
Left over cooking juices
 
The method:
Get a jug and pour whatever leftover liquid there is, after every meal, in it. Any kind of juice, leftover coffee, tea, beer, wine, soda, soup, sauce, gravy – literally anything liquid is fine for The Jug. Leave it in the fridge for a few days and you'll find a new taste experience and ninja surprise every time you taste.
 
Audio accompaniment:
Gil Scott-Heron, The Bottle
“I know he's not directly talking about a ‘jug’, but if you change the word ‘bottle’ to ‘jug’, he is. Plus it's one of the best tunes ever written."
 

Jag's Hot & Sour Shake

 
You will need:
Hot peppers (the kind doesn't matter)
Half a dozen cups of lemon juice
1/2 cup of hot sauce
A scoop of vanilla ice cream
A cup of milk
 
The method:
Chop hot peppers before putting in a blender. Add the rest of the ingredients and blend until smooth. ENJOY!
 
Audio accompaniment:
Bill Conti, Gonna Fly Now
“I play this song before I go on stage, and every time I have a Hot & Sour Shake. This song turns you into a super-ninja, as does this drink.”
 

Ninja Style Ice Cubes


You will need:
2 cups water (approximately)
2 tbsp water (additional if needed)
 
The method:
Empty the ice cubes that are left in the trays (if there are any left) into the bin. Get your ninja mask, put it on, then take the trays over to the sink and fill them with cold water. Place the water-filled ice trays back in the freezer. Shut the door to the freezer.
 
Audio accompaniment:

Black Moon, Powaful Impak! (Jaguar Skills Props Remix)
“It's just the perfect soundtrack for making ice cubes to. Plus, it's my favourite track from my new album.”

 
*Warning: try these recipes at your own peril. FHM takes no responsibility for any damaged dance floors or upset tummies as a result of consuming these concoctions.

 

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