This morning we awoke to find our Twitter awash with news that angry-at-the-world pop warbler Justin Bieber may have outdone himself yet again in the ‘he fucking what?’ stakes. This time by allegedly trying to dip his billion-dollar fingers into a lady’s handbag and nick her mobile phone.
Yep, the boy that earns above and beyond $70 million a year may have resorted to daylight robbery.
And, while pre-teen girls wail uncontrollably at the thought of their precious Biebs being force-fed porridge, and probably worse, behind bars, we all rolled our eyes and cussed him out for being a spoilt, above-the-law brat.
Or at least we rolled them for a split second before something tragically twigged inside us as we scrolled through our feed, stuffed with lists of the 270 Things Only Girl Cats In Cupcakes Will Understand and OMG Your Won’t Believe What Happens Next videos, something happened to us that never, ever does. We let out a snort of disbelief and found ourselves starting to… Belieb.
In a world where social media and celebrity are dangerously close to becoming a tepid mass of regurgitated puke, Bieber is our last bastion of surprise. It hurts but it’s true, he’s 2014’s only hellraiser.
If Twitter had been around in the sixties, it would have been a very different story.
Clicking follow on the profiles of the carnage-loving and dearly departed hellraisers, like Richard Harris, Oliver Reed and Peter O’Toole, would’ve been like watching a social media version of Wolf of Wall Street.
Our feeds would have been filled with tales of gatecrashing funerals, sinking barges with parties, booze binges that cause week-long blackouts, chopping off their own fingers and burning down kitchens while trying to make French toast.
These were men who were unafraid to take risks and understood the importance of pushing the boundaries – qualities that us modern men may all, for whatever reason, be guilty of losing sight of.
Who else can even get close to that golden age of madness? Who else has that level of fuck-you attitude? Go on, have a think.
Even rockstars no longer live fast and die young, but instead preach about vegan diets. Beebs, on the other hand, has been out pissing in mop buckets, egging his neighbour’s house, spitting off balconies onto fans and beating up snappers.
The guy bought a god damn monkey and left it in a foreign country for crying out loud.
Obviously, theft and violence ain’t cool, and there’s no doubt he deserves a slap on the wrists. And you could argue that he may be more Hollywood douchebag than true hellraiser. But one thing’s for sure, he doesn’t give a fuck about what he’s told he can’t do, and maybe, just maybe, we can all learn a thing or two from that.
Words by Chris Sayer. Follow him on Twitter and shout at him for being wrong.