How to win at life with the best of FHMManFood

Posted by , 29 August 2013

Mel Clarke takes the FHM Hot Sauce Test

Mel Clarke takes the FHM Hot Sauce Test

  • #11

    End summer in style with these Blow-Out BBQ Ribs

  • Introduction
  • #09

    Cook a fish feast fit for a king

We asked asbestos-mouthed hotty and FHM girlfriend Mel Clarke to test the 6 hottest chilli sauces you need to try before you die, because quite frankly we were too terrified. And Mel also happens to look really hot when she's erm... hot...


Tabasco Pepper Sauce


First produced in 1868, Tabasco is the world’s most popular hot sauce. As many as 720,000 bottles clink out of the factory in a single day.  

Mel: “Woah, that’s really spicy! It’s got a nice taste, but the aftertaste is a bit like… BANG.”

Flame Rating: 2/5



Tapatio Hot Sauce


With its instantly recognisable ‘giant-hatted man’ logo, Tapatio has built itself a cult following on the West Coast of America.

Mel: “Wait for iiit… Oh. Huh. It’s not that hot – not as hot as Tabasco, anyway. It’s tasty, though – I’d eat that.”

Flame Rating: 1/5



Professor Payne Indeass’s Sphincter Shrinker

One of the weirder hot sauces out there, this has a distinctive curry twang with an undercurrent of apple sauce.  


Mel: “Eeep! That’s hot. Tastes a bit like curry powder... Not something I’d eat at home.” 

Flame Rating: 4/5



Satan’s Sweat Naga Chilli Sauce


The Naga chilli is in the Guinness World Records book as the absolute hottest dickhead wanker of a chilli on the planet.   

Mel: “Eeee! That’s just burning. Agghh! You couldn’t put that in actual food.” 

Flame Rating: 4/5



Blair’s Sudden Death Hot Sauce In A Coffin


Somewhat ominously, this comes in a cardboard coffin, with a skull key ring attached. Proper doomy.   


Mel: “BURNING. Ohhh... That is so hot. So, so, so hot. Gimme some milk.” 

Flame Rating: 4/5


Who Dares Burns! The 2nd assault


The even-hotter sequel to the UK’s best-selling ultra-hot sauce.’s Stuart McAllister describes it as “just brutal, heat-wise”.  

Mel: “FUCKING HELL. I’m crying!”

Flame Rating: 5/5

Words: Joe Madden

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