Smoking is bad. Yeah, it looks cool. Sure, it’s relaxing. Having lots of five-minute breaks from work while all those non-smoking suckers slave away is great. The obesity-fighting effect it has on your appetite is a godsend. And of course it’s a great way to meet people. But it’s bad.

BECAUSE IT KILLS YOU.

Which is why the seven FHM staff members who suckle on the sweet teat of nicotine have decided that enough is enough. They’re all going to quit.

We found seven unique methods of quitting and gathered our tar-lunged warriors to draw them out of a hat in a process of allocation the Olympic tickets ballot would have been proud of.

Here’s what happened:

LUCY HANCOCK

Lucy Hancock

How much do you smoke?
About nine or ten cigarettes a day.

Which treatment did you get and what do you think of it?
Reflexology! I'm dead chuffed. That's one of the ones I wanted, so I'm really happy about that.

ALAN KINDELL

Alan Kindell

How much do you smoke?
I'm a social smoker, so I only smoke when I drink. I've smoked for more years than I care to mention, though.

Which treatment did you get and what do you think of it?
I got laser acupuncture, which isn't bad in the scheme of things, really. Better than having something stuck on your arm, anyway.

GRANT HOWITT

Grant Howitt

How much do you smoke?
About three or four a day. Not much.

Which treatment did you get and what do you think of it?
Homeopathy. I'm fairly confident it won't do anything, but I'm willing to give it a shot.

DECLAN FAHY

Declan Fahy

How much do you smoke?
Ten to 15.

Which treatment did you get and what do you think of it?
Hypnotherapy. Great. Can't wait.

MEL ZENEBE

Mel Zenebe

How much do you smoke?
About ten a day.

Which treatment did you get and what do you think of it?
Electronic cigarettes. Really pleased about it, actually - it's the one I wanted and it means I can still go outside to smoke; I've still got the ritual.

JESS COMMONS (Shh! Jess' parents don't know she smokes. Nobody tell them! Whatever you do, nobody put this on the internet)

Jess Commons
Jess was off sick when we did the draw but here's a picture her parents must NEVER see

How much do you smoke?
I don't smoke unless I drink. But I drink A LOT.

Which treatment did you get and what do you think of it?
Nicotine patches and gum. I wish it was hypnotism. I interviewed Sunday Girl a while ago and she said hypnosis cured her of stage fright.  

Jamie Inglis

Jamie Inglis

How much do you smoke?
Ten a day.

Which treatment did you get and what do you think of it?
I'm going to this place called The Third Space to have hydrotherapy and all sorts of weird shit. Should be good. Sounds a bit weird, though.

We'll be checking in with our cancer-dodging guinea pigs next week. In the meantime, if you fancy quitting smoking with us, email rob.mcgarr@fhm.com.

Remember: WE'LL ALL GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER.

Read week two of the FHM stop smoking saga.