If we were going to transform a board game into a Hollywood blockbuster, it’d have to be Lost Valley of the Dinosaurs. Just think: humans and dinosaurs, together at last! It’d be an absolute belter. We could get a world-renowned director involved; someone like Steven Spielberg, maybe. There’d be a really cool bit where a T-Rex chases some people in a 4x4 and the wing mirror says something amusingly disconcerting like “Objects in mirror are closer than they appear”.
Yeah, this is going to be huge. Dinosaur Park, we’ll call it. Wait, no, when were dinosaurs around? The Jurassic period, wasn’t it? Jurassic Park... Yeah, that’s got a nice ring to it. Look out, Hollywood, we’re on our way.
Peter Berg, director of Friday Night Lights, The Kingdom and Hancock, however, opted to give grid-based guess-fest Battleship the plastic-to-projector treatment.
Some cynics poured scorn on this idea, saying that Battleship is a boring game of no skill or imagination and consequently unsuitable for cinematic treatment. To these naysayers, Peter Berg offers an uncompromising response: have a fucking Tomahawk through your window from 800 miles and Rihanna running around in a jumpsuit. Fair enough, Pete.
Battleship is in cinemas now