Do you like cats? Do you like explosions? Of course you do! Everyone loves cats and explosions, which is why you should all watch this new Saint's Row the Third trailer which features copious amounts of both.
We are so buzzed about Saint’s Row the Third right now. It’s like the programmers cracked open our minds and inserted specialist equipment into our brains so that they can discern precisely what it is we want from a videogame, and then actually made that game using some kind of magical artefact.
The professor cuts quite a rug
The trailer above is on behalf of Professor Genki, who hosts a show - snappily titled Professor Genki’s Super Ethical Reality Climax - as part of the game. The show is a cross between The Running Man and Takeshi’s Castle (a combination far too long overlooked, we feel) in which contestants murder each other for fun and profit. He is a crazed Japanese genius, and for reasons best known to himself he wears a giant cat head. Great stuff.
Pre-ordering the game now offers the player an extra-tight jumpsuit, a gun that shoots baby octopuses at enemies which massage their scalps and lull them into an temporary alliance, and the Super Ballistic Man-a-pult.
Who could want for anything more?
What’s the Super Ballistic Man-a-pult? Why, it’s a cannon mounted on a car that hoovers up pedestrians and then shoots them out at ridiculously high velocities! WHY HAS NO-ONE THOUGHT OF THIS BEFORE. It even comes with a jolly burst of multicoloured stars, much like that rainbow-farting unicorn in Red Faction: Armageddon.
But yes. Saint’s Row the Third is making us very excited – we’re not sure whether it’s the airstrikes, the VTOL jet with mounted laser cannon, the giant dildo bat or the fact that every single weapon has been programmed with its own specialised nut-shot animation. Whatever. We're buzzed. November can't come soon enough.
Saint's Row the Third will be released for PS3 and Xbox 360 on 18 November, graciously giving you a week to get in as much Skyrim as you physically can before the cacaphonic joy of Professor Genki overwrites whatever RPG leanings you might have had