There are two pervading stereotypes about Colombia. The South American country, so legend has it, is home to the world’s most mouthwatering steak and the sexiest ladies.
One long, hot, boozy week in Colombia convinced FHM that both of these stereotypes are, thankfully, correct. The 5,000-mile journey is worth it for the first bite of delicious cow alone.
Here’s the FHM lowdown on how to get the most out of your time in Bogota and beyond.
SEE: Mount Monserrate
The first port of call for any tourist in Colombia’s capital, Monserrate offers eye-watering views of the entire city. It’s 10,000 feet high, and the air is so thin that you’ll feel high yourself.
Depending on whether you suffer from vertigo (or have a hangover), this can either be exhilarating, or utterly terrifying. You can hike it up, but unless you’re very brave (and very fit) we strongly suggest you take the tram to the selfie-epicentre of South America.
EAT: La Mina Steak & Lobster
Bogota is as famous for its steak as the UK is for rain – you could comfortably spend a month in the city and eat at a different steakhouse every night. The best piece of rump that FHM found on our travels was at La Mina, within the Marriot hotel.
If, for some reason, you don’t fancy a juicy sirloin, you can also weigh in with a lobster, but the meat is world-famous and worth the pilgrimage.
DRINK: Andres Carne de Res
Andres Carne de Res is a proper Colombian institution, and no visit to the country is complete without a visit. Set over multiple rooms and floors, each with an individual theme and décor, it’s a restaurant-come-bar-come-club-come-shop unlike anything you’ve ever seen.
Everything is taken care of – from a Drunk Tank where you can drop off your mate who’s had too many til he sobers up, to a bus that will transport you back to your hotel at 4 in the morning.
STAY: Click Clack Hotel
This boutique hotel in the heart of the city is the perfect base for your Bogota adventure. Everything has been thought through – from a ‘lust kit’ that comes in every room, to glass-walled showers with a peephole.
And if it’s hard-partying you’re after, the rooftop bar specialises in local cocktails and is open pretty much all night. (Spoiler alert: the ladies frequenting this bar are so ludicrously hot you may burn your passport and never come home.)
VISIT: Tcherassi Hotel, Cartagena
No trip to Colombia is complete without a weekend in the Caribbean coastal paradise that is Cartagena. Temperatures regularly top 30 degrees, while the narrow, cobbled streets are packed with tons of authentic family-run restaurants and bars.
Make sure you lay your head at the incredible Tcherassi Hotel, which has a rooftop pool and sunbathing deck with a view across the city – the perfect place to wind down with a cocktail after a mad few days in Bogota.
THE FINAL WORD
DO…LEARN A BIT OF SPANISH. Unlike European countries where everyone basically speaks at least a bit of English, it’s perfectly common in Colombia to go a day without bumping into someone who has any grasp of English. Just master the basics – ‘please’, ‘thank you’, ‘one more beer please’.
DON’T…TRY TO BUY DRUGS. This isn’t FHM getting all sanctimonious – the police are absolutely hot for English tourists caught with Colombian marching powder, and if the rumours of police cells are even remotely true, it’s really not worth the risk.
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