To celebrate the return of the suit-wearing, whisky-guzzling ad king Don Draper, and the DVD release of Mad Men: Season 6, we decided that we'd give our web editor a '50s-style makeover and see if he could manage a day downing drinks just like Don and still get his work done.
As excellent ideas go, this probably wasn't up there, but it was hilarious.
What follows is his (lightweight) diary. Drunken spelling and grammatical errors unchanged.
10am – Whisky number one
I was presented with my first whisky as I was getting the finishing touches to my new super slick (Pee-wee Herman) hairstyle. Somebody added a little too much water, which meant it tasted even worse than usual, although it did make it easier to stomach at this ungodly hour. Either that or I’m an alcoholic.
11am - Whisky number two
I’m now completely clean-shaven and my face is very cold. It's the first time I’ve been this clean-cut since I was 16 and I feel like Batman without his cape. If Batman wasn’t a cool crime fighter that is, and he was actually a wimpy, glasses-wearing writer from Rotherham.
The whisky has been going down quite well mind, although I definitely feel tipsy. Today was a bad day to skip breakfast.
12pm – Whisky number three
I secretly feel drunk. I should definitely eat. Also want a cigarette. I can already sense that I’m going to get really annoying to the rest of the team in the next hour or so. Must remember to leave shirt on.
1.30pm – Whisky number four
I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m drunk and I wasn’t allowed to play Mario Kart in the office earlier. I feel good though. Currently trying to convince our features ed to join me on my whisky-fuelled Draper trek. So far I have done nothing other than act really weird whenever my phone rings.
Now listening to Corey Feldman’s Ascension Millennium. Normally this song is hilarious. Right now though, it just makes me want to dance, which is extremely concerning. Need another cigarette.
2pm – Whisky number five
The whisky has suddenly got harder to eat. I still haven’t had lunch yet because I haven’t got any work done and taking a "break" scares me. Just tried to convice my deputy editor that a Hitler moustache is fine if it’s just for Movember and you call it a Chaplin.
2.34pm Whisky number six (with Coke)
Just had a Subway lunch. Don would never do that but everyone else went for lunch without me, possibly because I’m so drunk. I’ve upgraded to whisky and Coke which was potentially a mistake because my whisky measures have got bigger. Time will tell.
3:30pm – Still whisky number six
Boss thinks his son might have chicken pox. Had a conversation with him about it and kept accidentally referring to it as x-pox. Probably hand my notice in within the next hour.
4:32pm – Whisky number seven
Introduced myself to some PRs as the owner of FHM and then knocked over a coat stand. I’ve turned into a dickhead. Going to play some really aggressive Mario Kart in a minute. I will beat the piss out of everyone. Someone said I smell like whisky and cigarettes. I think they meant it in a good way.
4:34pm – Whisky and beer
Now drinking beer and whisky chasers. This just got interesting.
END OF DIARY
From this point onwards I found myself giving up on whisky completely and drinking beer, which bizarrely gave me a second wind and I managed to go to a pub and function normally. Or at least acceptably.
My last memory is tripping up over my own feet as I attempted to crawl into bed at around 10pm. I woke up the next day with zero hangover. Which was incredible, until Sunday when I woke up with the headache equivalent of a metal concert inside my forehead.
While it’s entirely realistic to drink like Don Draper for an entire day, maintaining a productive amount of work is not. He’s obviously made of stronger stuff than myself.
That said, getting to dress all smart and dapper was pretty nice, even if my face did feel cold and people kept referring to me as the work experience.
Mad Men: Season 6 is out today on Blu-ray and DVD, courtesy of Lionsgate Home Entertainment.
Haircut by Frank Rimer; Shave by Ryan Williams, both Sharps Barber and Shop, Windmill Street, London W1