We’ve filtered out thousands of limp-poppers, swirly-letdowns and wonky-wheels to bring you the 14 fireworks guaranteed to help turn General Whiskers into a fluffy ball of fear this Bonfire Night.

01 PLOTTERS' KEG

Modelled on Guy Fawkes’ originals, this barrel is more ‘shoot colours into the air’ than ‘blow up Parliament’.

Roman Candle Mine
Wow factor 4/5 Kimboltonfire?works.co.uk (£29)

02 PRISM DELIGHT

Watch in awe as it shoots sparks. Listen in awe as it makes thwunks. A pretty geometry lesson.

Prism Delight
Wow factor 3/5 X-iting.co.uk/fireworks (£15)

03 SKY BONANZA

These rockets may be small, but they’re fierce. Do not underestimate. Or tie to a beloved animal.

Sky Bonanza
Wow factor 2/5 X-iting.co.uk/fireworks (£8.50)

04 THE OGRE

Square? Yes. Ugly? Yes. But that’s not the point. Once this gets going, it’s the stuff of dreams.

Ogre
Wow factor 3/5 Fireworks?international.co.uk (£31)

05 STORN CONES

Plant these spark sprayers a few metres apart then walk through the gap like a judge on The X Factor.

Storms
Wow factor 2/5 X-iting.co.uk/fireworks (£5 for 3)

06 AMAZING SPRAY

These start like the Storm Cones, but descend into a rip-roaring sparks fest. Step back and mind your ’fro.

Amazing Spray
Wow factor 3/5 Royalparty?fireworks.com (£10)

07 SUPERIOR 4 ROCKET PACK

The pyrotechnical equivalent of Steve Buscemi in Con Air (so insane it comes in a cage).

Rocket Cage
Wow factor 5/5 Absolute?fireworks.com (£50)

08 HOT SHOTS

This is about as hard as fireworks get. Men will cheer, women will swoon, cats will crap themselves.

Hot Shots
Wow factor 5/5 X-iting.co.uk/fireworks (£49)

09 ALIEN WAR

It’s an alien invasion! Only, without the aliens or the invasion. Still, it’s pretty noisy when this beast goes off.


Wow factor 5/5 Kimboltonfireworks.co.uk (£15-20)

10 CELESTIAL REV WHEEL

Name sounds like a ’90s indie band, actually a firework that sounds like static. Annoying, but colourful.


Wow factor 1/5 X-iting.co.uk/fireworks (£2)

11 SPARKLING WHEEL

If this were a female, it would be the girl in the short skirt who makes men’s jaws drop.


Wow factor 3/5 Fireworks?international.co.uk (£27)

12 ICE CANDLES

Normally for when celebs order booze in clubs. Use them when you make tea to prove you’re ‘someone’.


Wow factor 1/5 Royalparty?fireworks.com (£3)

13 PORTFIRE

Teeny bit scared to ignite your fireworks up close? No problem, let these do the dirty work.


Wow factor 0/5 Kimbolton fireworks.co.uk (£2.50)

14 SFX TWO STEALTH ROCKET

Stealthy as a ninja. You won’t hear a peep out of this until it’s hundreds of feet above you.


Wow factor 3/5 X-iting.co.uk/fireworks (£14)