Top science boffins at the Imperial College of London are currently hunched over their microscopes in a (not so) top-secret lab, developing a special pill that promises to revolutionise our boozy nights out.
The idea is simple: instead of drinking eight pints in the pub, you down a couple of "drunk" pills beforehand and they simulate the lovely woozy feeling we normally get from being well-oiled.
Then, when you’ve had enough (or the morning after) you take another pill, the antidote, and as if by magic, you’re sober and hangover free.
Sounds brilliant for our bank balance and livers, but is it actually a good idea?
Here are five reasons why we reckon it’s a terrible mistake…
01 It strips out the fun times
One of the great things about drinking with your mates is actually drinking with your mates.
It’s a time of bonding, where we create massively hyperbole memories that stay with us forever, and the slow progression to slurry confidence is all part of the experience.
If you can just take a pill, you’ve not earned any of it.
02 Drinking isn’t always about getting drunk
Sometimes it’s nice to just sit in a pub, warming your face in front of an open fire, stroking a massive dog and reflecting on the passing day with the people you like most over a delicious, cold pint.
The pill could see the death of the quiet drink, and pubs as we know them.
03 The British drinking scene is just getting good again
Since the British economy eased itself down a slippery slope of recession and turmoil, we’ve seen more pubs close down than Beckham changes his hairstyle, and lost a part of manly culture.
Yet, recently, against all the odds, we’ve seen a revival. Independent start-ups are popping up everywhere, like BrewDog, lovingly bringing ale back to basics and showing us how great a pint can be.
No longer do we have to put up with watery, piss-coloured beverages or luminescent alcopops.
If this pill comes out and really takes off, it’s going to ruin it again, not to mention putting a load of people out of jobs that are giving a much-needed boost to the economy.
04 Pills are grimy
No matter how safe, legal and scientifically sound, taking a pill before you go out conjures up seedy, sweaty images of Danny Dyer having an existential crisis in Human Traffic. It’s not attractive and will only encourage the current boom in "party drug" excess.
We’ll be overrun by "go-big-or-go-home" types popping handfuls of narcotics to be "the big lad". The NHS is busy enough on a Saturday night without having to open a new "overdose wing".
05 A night out will just be a night out
Granted, nobody enjoys a hangover, they’re awful. But, having a hangover is usually the sign of a momentous night out, or at least of a great one.
Without a hangover there’s no perspective and no bar on which to measure your nights greatness. It will just have been another night.
Would you trade your current booze-fuelled adventures for a hangover-less Sunday?
Words by Jordan Waller. Follow him on Twitter here.
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