The new Robocop trailer is doing the rounds. The good news is it’s all shiny, glitzy and more or less what an action trailer should look like. The bad news is that it looks like it might be about to single-handedly destroy everything that was brilliant about the original ultra-violent action masterpiece.
Here's why we should be very, very worried...
01 Robocop jumps
Sure, this might seem like a fairly good evolution for everybody’s favourite metal cop, similar to how zombie films are better now the baddies can run instead of stumble. But in actuality it takes away a massive level of Robocop’s intimidation.
Robocop is not a normal (super-athletic) soldier. He’s a solid, indestructible tank. Slow, intense movements emphasise that he’s a one-man army. He doesn’t need to jump because he’s a goddamn juggernaut. The only reason anyone needs to jump is to get out of the way of things. It makes him look like a wimp.
02 There are too many robots
The trailer shows him blasting the nuts and bolts out of enemy robots here, there and everywhere. What happened to him fighting violent crime? It’s like they’ve turned it into "Diet Robocop" because they’re scared to show dead bodies so they’ve stripped out the proper violence.
03 It’s every other big blockbuster film rolled into one
The trailer looks like Iron Man, sounds like an Inception car crash and he’s suddenly been painted black like a metal Batman. It’s also got Samuel L Jackson in it, one of the most over-worked, over-appearing actors around.
Surely the original was so good that the sequel didn’t need the Christopher Nolan treatment.
04 He’s got a motorbike
Where the hell is his badass cop car? And how would a mega-ton robot even get on and off a bike without scratching the paintwork or falling over?
Plus, if he can jump and run stupidly fast now, why would he even need a motorbike? And why would he need one that’s the exact same as the one in Batman? Do Wayne Enterprises know that they’re being ripped off?
05 It doesn’t look funny
When you first watched the original, you might have only been aware of the blood-spattered violence and intense staring scenes, but when you watch it again you realise it’s hilarious. It had a cheesy '80s vibe mashed into a clever sociological satire. Now all the really interesting stuff's been stripped out of it, so what’s the point? It’s just another action film.