After our first weekend of World Cup fever, here's the ten things that have had our tongues wagging in the FHM office...
01 Honduras are this year's Holland
Not "this year's Holland" in the sense that they play delicious, total football, you understand. "This year's Holland" in that they've clearly been given orders to go out and kick the other teams off the pitch.
Emilio Izaguirre in particular looks like a man destined to be sent off at some point for a studs-up challenge aimed at someone's throat.
Expect their must-win match against Ecuador on Friday to be an absolute blood-bath. #prayfortheecuadorians
02 Not a single draw in the first 9 matches. This hasn't happened since 1934.
This is not only an utterly fantastic pub fact that you’ll be able to dish throughout the remainder of the tournament, but also a truly exciting prospect for the rest of the World Cup.
Everybody is geared up for the win, which means a shit ton of goals and a lot of crying.
03 Goal line technology works (even if commentators don't understand how)
It's the first time that Goal line technology has ever been introduced and in a typically bewildering football reaction, it's caused quite a bit of controversy. Despite the fact that it works bloody well.
See Richard Key's reaction...
Before the embarrasing backtrack...
04 Multicoloured boots are absolutely not a thing.
They only place where these boots could be deemed acceptable is if you were playing football in the middle of a snowstorm at midnight on the North Pole and they were imperative for visibility.
In Brazil (or anywhere else for that matter) they are not imperative. You look like you’re going to a disco.
05 Robbie Savage is massively under qualified to sit on the commentator's sofa:
Although he was pretty bloody brilliant at ball room dancing that time.
06 Nobody misses the vuvuzelas. Nobody.
Because nothing is more unpleasant in life than a musical instrument that sounds like a giant doom mongering plague of locusts having a ninety minute orgy.
07 Netherlands could be set to cause a big World Cup upset.
Find us somebody that could have predicted Spain’s epic 5-1 fall to the Netherlands on Friday and we’ll show you a liar (or a psychic).
The favourites got well and truly trounced by those Dutch beauties and it was fantastic. The fact that Spain’s only goal in the entire game was an extremely dubious penalty pretty much says it all.
Everything that’s brilliant about the World Cup and probably our favourite upset since Senegal beat reigning champions France during their debut game back in Japan and South Korea 2002.
08 If Neville's voice was a colour it would be beige.
We’d play you a clip but we’d be worried that you’d find yourself frozen in time like a really boring episode of Bernard’s Watch and never wake up again.
09 Wayne Rooney might not be able to take corners but he sure knows how to style out a hair transplant
Say what you want about his performance on Saturday (although it’s worth remembering he did set up Sturridge’s screamer…), Wayne Rooney’s hair transplant is a wonder of modern science.
Yes we all laughed when he first went under the follicle knife but that head mop is looking lusher than the Brazilian jungle right now. If only his football would produce the same dazzling results that we know it’s capable of.
10 The World Cup could ruin the British economy.
Or at least it could if TV coverage continues to insist on focusing only upon the pastiest and drunkest England fans. As it currently stands our tourism forecast for the entire year is plummeting by around 400% every time a camera cuts to a funny man dressed as a St George.