We've got five cool things to show you, and one of them's a an umbrella. Trust us, it's very cool.
Look sexy by putting a sexy lady's back on your front
It's rather a lot of money for a t-shirt, sure, but look at it - it's got not only a pretty girl on it, but several varieties of nifty tattoo and also A GUN. Guns, as we all know, are glamorous and exciting, and pretend guns on t-shirts are much safer than the real thing so this can only be a benefit overall.
It's like taking four movies at once, but, well, good
The Kogeto Dot allows you to take full 360-degree videos on yer iPhone; impressive, no? We're imagining all kinds of incredibly exciting situations which replicate either a) Matrix-style Bullet Time slow-motion camera pans or b) badass views of parties with us surrounded by so many beautiful, adoring ladies that we can't fit them all in shot. Of course, we'd probably just end up taking a film on top of a hill, like everyone else, but it's nice to dream.
This is a shirt featuring both beavers and cupcakes
Johnny Cupcakes, $39.99
Remember The Angry Beavers? We do. Plus, we like t-shirts, so this sort of thing is right up our alley. After doing ridiculously well in America, Johnny brought over his bakery-themed clothing store to London last year, and we're big fans of it.
It's like a lighter, except it tells the time
Zippo are very cool people - their superior lighters make smoking almost worthwhile, and look a treat when held up at concerts. While this exceedingly lovely watch of theirs doesn't light things on fire (unless you smack it against a rock to make sparks over dry leaves, but we really can't recommend you do that) it does, according to the brochure, "keep track of the hour, the date, and everything in between." Supposedly that second hand is purely decorative, then.
These pandas look sad, but we bet they're happy
Route One, £27.99
Pandas don't breed often, as they're useless evolutionary throwbacks only good for controlling the bamboo population and looking cute when they sneeze. But if you're all for pandas, and you want to encourage them to mate and create further pandas, then wear this belt to the zoo and point at it outside their enclosure while winking suggestively.