You know that gift horse, right? The gold one? Rubbing itself up against you and neighing in your ear all seductive-like? Stop looking in its moosh and buy the damn mag!

 FHM’S PREDICTIONS FOR 2012

Want to know what is going to be BIG this year? Which bands will be MAHOOSIVE? The booze you’ll need to live it LARGE? And why everyone will be stroking FERRETS? Look no further, as FHM and a bunch of experts present the guide to what will be in (and out) in the ’12.

5,000 MILES, £3,000 AND ONE DANCING DWARF

FHM Columbia

There are some things that you’re guaranteed to find in Columbia: gun crime, kidnappings and enough marching powder to supply a planet full of Charlie Sheens. But would you spend £3,000 to look for a wife there? We sent our man on a so-called ‘Romance Tour’ to see if dating in the danger zone could be the future of relationships.

AFFORDABLE ART

It’s never been easier to own a proper print by a proper artist, and you won’t have to cash any gold to get your hands on one. FHM selects the finest arty doodles your money can buy.

ALEXANDRA BRECKENRIDGE IS DEAD SEXY

Alexandra Breckenridge FHM

Have you seen American Horror Story yet? You totally should. It’s scary, odd and amazing. And, thanks to Alexandra Breckenridge, it’s also outrageously sexy – even though she plays a dead maid who spends her days assaulting men. It makes no sense at all. What do make sense are her stories about special alone time and dancing to hip hop….

GET IT NOW!