Bleeding Banjo String
My pecker’s banjo string hurts and keeps bleeding after I have sex. Will I need to be circumcised?
Jim Arbuthnott, via e-mail
The correct medical term for the banjo string is the frenulum. This is the small bridge of skin lying from the underside of the tip of the penis to the underside of the foreskin. The London Urology Clinic Online’s Dr Gordon Muir advises that there are a few reasons why your penis keeps bleeding like a tiny little legless pig. “Normally this piece of skin’s reasonably long and elastic, but in a minority of men it’s either too short from the beginning, or else develops scarring which makes it prone to tearing and splitting, particularly during intercourse.” All rather alarming, as blood loss from your ding-dong isn’t exactly a big hit with the ladies. Thankfully, circumcision isn’t the best remedy. “Some surgeons recommend circumcision, but 90% of patients with a frenular problem can have a small, plastic, surgical operation to lengthen it adequately.” He means your banjo string, sadly, not your schlong.
Brain Ache: My Bonce Hurts
I get loads of migraines and sometimes feel like my head is about to explode. Am I due a brain tumour?
Denis Cousins, via e-mail
“The first thing to do is get a firm diagnosis that what you suffer from is, in fact, a migraine and not a more ominous kind of headache,” advises Susan Haydon from the Migraine Trust. Luckily, or unluckily, depending on how you look at it, that’s relatively easy to work out. “Migraines are characterised by episodic attacks, typically including throbbing headaches that can last between four and 72 hours. Nausea and vomiting are also common and 10% of sufferers will experience visual disturbances,” continues Haydon. Basically, if you have any of these symptoms, the good news is it’s just head-smashing migraines and not a brain tumour. If that’s the case, Haydon advises you keep a diary of your symptoms, which’ll help in a diagnosis. “You don’t have to be part of the 50% of sufferers that don’t seek medical help for migraines,” she says. Very, very quietly though, in case your temples explode.
Limbs: My Arm’s Lumpy
I’ve got a grisly lump in my forearm. What should I do? Is it going to burst out like in Alien?
Stewart Monik, via e-mail
It could be a multitude of conditions, some alarming, such as varicose veins or swollen glands under your pits, others – such as a blocked hair follicle – less so. “It depends where on the arm the lump is, how long it’s been there, how big it is and how tender it is,” says Catti Moss of the Royal College of General Practitioners. She reckons that if it’s a blocked follicle, you’ll need to keep it clean and grease-free to stop it becoming infected – in which case a course of antibiotics is the cure. However, a swollen lymph gland could indicate a more sinister condition such as tuberculosis or the white blood cell-destroying cancer, leukemia. Visit your GP, while flicking a donor card nervously between your fingers and thumbs.