My arse wreaks Armageddon!

Just recently I’m finding that I drop nuclear-smelling stools. What can I do? My diet is pretty good — loads of fresh fruit and veg, meat just once or twice a week and I avoid curries and kebabs like the plague. I even had a colonic irrigation, for God’s sake. You’ve got to help me – even my dog disappears under the sofa when I go for my morning rumble at 7.30am…
James Pollock, via e-mail

“The good news is that no one is immune to smelly poos, so there’s no need to be embarrassed,” says Suzanne Laurie, from Fushi Holistic Health. “The amount and smell of stools and gas in the digestive tract comes mainly from the breakdown and metabolism of food.” The good news is that you can limit the stench through dietary and lifestyle changes. So even though your diet is fairly healthy, our expert recommends you “eat slowly and chew your food thoroughly, avoid eating large portions of food with a high sulphur content – such as red meat, beans and pulses, garlic and onion – and try adding some natural live yoghurt to your diet.” If that doesn’t work, seek medical advice. Or get some loo spray. Honestly, it stinks in here.

I’m walking on lumps of dead skin!

My feet always have a big build up of dead skin on the heel. I pumice them and use all the unguents around. But I can’t seem to keep on top of it. Is there a cure out there or shall I just take some sandpaper to them?
Danny Smart, Northampton

“The key to long term reduction of skin on the heels,” says leading podiatrist, Dave Wain, “is to revitalise the skin and remove undue pressure from that area.” Which means using a cracked heel cream to sort out your armadillo-style ‘plates of meat’. And if you’re still cursed with heels more resilient than Amy Winehouse’s penchant for self-harming? Then it’s time to make like your nan and start putting pads in your shoes. “Look for a heel pad that works like a shock absorber”, counsels Dave. “There’s also a full length version, which is superb in sports shoes or football boots.” Wearing a built-up heel so that passing kids can point at your feet and cackle is a feasible option, too…?

I can’t stop crying

My eyes seem really wet, and are constantly running. Why?
Christopher Clane, via e-mail

You might have a condition called ‘evaporative dry eye’. As Tony Barnes of peeper experts Clarymist explains, “Your tears evaporate too quickly to properly lubricate the eye. And it can be caused by diet, alcohol, air conditioning and computer screens.” So in order to keep things lubed in, the eye produces ‘reactive tears’ to keep it moist. “Increase your intake of omega-3 fatty acids from almonds to improve the quality of your tear film” advises Tony. “Also reduce your alcohol intake, avoid air conditioning at work and take frequent breaks from your computer.” And then get bollocked by your boss.