1/ Florentino Pérez

Crime: Made players bigger than clubs

“I’ll bring the world’s biggest superstar to the Bernabeu each summer,” promised Real Madrid chairman Pérez in 2000. The result? The start of what Steve McManaman termed “the Disneyfication of Real Madrid”. First came Figo (£38m), then Zidane (£44m), then Ronaldo (£26m), Beckham (£25m) and Robinho (£19m). The problem? These ‘Galacticos’ were all attackers; superstars deemed more important than a balanced team. Need proof? “We will not miss Makelele,” scoffed Pérez after the defensive midfielder was shipped to Chelsea for asking for a pay rise. They’ve made it to the quarter-finals of the Champions League only once since.

2/ Vladimir Romanov

Crime: Mad foreign owner

Think Abramovich is odd? Then you’ve never heard of Vladimir Romanov: poet, decorated Russian nuclear submarine captain, and Lithuania’s Strictly Come Dancing champion. Oh, and barmy owner of Heart of Midlothian since February 2005. His three year reign has seen seven managers, including Graham Rix, a sex offender; players galore (at one time Hearts had 63 players under contract); controversy (wages not paid, players threatened with being sold if they didn’t win, allegations Vlad picked the team); and fines thanks to his penchant for incredulous rants. Did it put him off? Did it hell. “The Scottish league is only an instrument in the hands of the mafia and they are working really well,” he screamed in August. Hearts also have the worst credit rating in Scottish football.

3/ Lord Justice Taylor

Crime: Bankrupted clubs

Hillsborough was a tragedy and grounds needed updating. But all-seater stadiums were a debt-inducing ball and chain. Ticket prices rocketed, crowds dwindled, small clubs took out crippling loans, and Darlington and Partick Thistle went into administration. And Tory MP David Evans saw it coming. “Big clubs will be able to afford the proposals,” he said, “but, as sure as day follows night, smaller clubs will go bankrupt. Football has pressed the destruct button.”

 

4/ Alan Ball

Crime: Wore white boots

Red and yellow and pink and green, purple and orange and blue – we can see a rainbow… and the contents of your average Sunday League team’s boot bags. Depressing.

 

5/ Pete Winkelman

Crime: Turned clubs into franchises

As any fule kno, American sport is rubbish due to their complete lack of understanding of history and community – summed up by their having ‘franchises’ rather than teams. So what in the name of God made Winkelman -– who looks like a geeky Status Quo reject – think that shifting Wimbledon FC to Milton Keynes and giving them the horrific moniker ‘MK Dons’ was a good idea? And why did the FA let him do it? And, most of all, how the hell can Winkelman say: “We’re still the Dons”? Er, no you’re not, Pete. That’s why the Dons fans are watching AFC Wimbledon play in the Conference South.