This Saturday the UFC machine will descend on the MGM Grand in Las Vegas for UFC 116. RARGHHHHHHHHH *Punches post-room boy, apologises immediately*
As any fight fans out there will know this is going to be a very big weekend, literally. The main event on Saturday night will see former wrestler and current Heavyweight Champion Brock ‘penis chest’ Lesnar (4-1) defend his belt against Shane ‘you can’t even imagine how hard I actually am’ Carwin (12-0). This is one of, if not the most anticipated fight in UFC history, not least because the two men are such impressive fighters, but also because it has been so long in the making. The fight was scheduled to happen last year but was postponed after Lesnar was diagnosed with mononucleosis. Now recovered and dangerously focused, Lesnar is firing up the fans with his usual comprehensive fight analysis, “I feel no threat by him whatsoever. I don't feel any threats by anybody." Carwin retorted with his own Melvillian trash talk, “Brock can talk all the garbage he wants for this fight. When they close that cage and I see Brock across from me, I want to tear him apart."
These men are both amped right the fuck up. So whatever happens, this will not be a disappointing fight. Imagine that fight in King Kong between the great ape and the T-Rex, except with a Nu-Metal soundtrack and loads of sponsorship. But who will win? Both men are proven brawlers. Brock has been training with Randy Couture, but then there’s Carwins punch. The man has cannons for arms. They’re truly devastating. Neither man has a weight advantage, both excel at wrestling. It’s a tough call, but if we absolutely had to offer a potential verdict…Lesnar by stoppage in the second. Carwin will drop him, but in the end Brock is quicker and has a proven chin that should hold up. Oh god this is going to be good. To further excite yourselves have a look at this gallery of ring girls. Ding! Ding! round one.