No longer fear the dreaded dress-down Friday

Beads

They might make you feel nostalgic and grounded. But nobody else cares that you went to Thailand/India/Nepal – and they’ll hardly endear you to the office sharks, whether they’re in the warehouse or the boardroom. Studenty types would do well to avoid linked chains too – you’re not ‘from a real working class background’, your mum drives a shiny BMW. Jewellery is personal, so pretty much keep it out of sight.

Skanky windcheater

In days gone by we called this an ‘anorak’. Practical – perhaps; a declaration of professionalism and savoir faire – not in a million years. High street stores do more than acceptable macs and wool coats now. Better still, invest in something decent and it’ll last forever.

Unfunny T-shirt

Actually this ‘Moobs’ one did crack us up – a bit – but the promotions board rarely give anybody a leg-up for being good fun. Indeed, they despise laughter in all its forms. Plain, gun-metal grey is more their style.

Record bag

So uncool it might actually be cool again, but the office isn’t the ideal testing ground for cutting-edge anti-fashion. Besides, bearing this will lead to the inevitable “Do you DJ?” question. And the answer – “Yes, I’m a resident at that after-hours thing that usually rocks on till around 4pm on Sunday afternoon. What do I play? Really, really minimal k-hole house” – will terrify most co-workers.

Enormous khakis

Seeing as they’re a bit of a US invention these days, most khakis seem made for the office walrus. It can be a bastard finding any that fit well. Slacks are back in as a result – beige Farahs should fit right in.

 

Favourite old trainers

They might be much-loved old friends that you can’t bear to part with, but they’ve certainly passed the point of being trendily worn-in. Pointer make a great range of trainers many of which are ideal for ‘smart casual’ – plus they’re very hip and reasonably priced.