It’s been so cold this week that we’ve been forced to wear everything we own, all at once. This has been good for staying alive, bad for our sex life, and left us with a pile of laundry that would give Feodor Vassilyev nightmares. Time for some new stuff, then.

SOD YOU, SUN. GO MOON!Moonrise T-shirt
Supremebeing, £30

We feel a bit sorry for the moon, sometimes. Everyone bursts their trousers about seeing the sunrise, but poor old moony is rarely mentioned. “Oh don’t worry about me guys. I’m just here, controlling sea levels and managing werewolves; making sure there’s some light when the sun is off fucking about on the other side of the world, but, y’know, whatever.”

Well here you go, mate. Have a T-shirt.

WALKING ON THE AIREmbat leather trainers
Medwinds, £59

Have you noticed how every single pair of trainers/boots/shoes/other-things-you-put-on-your-feet now has a contrast sole? Remember the days when soles were - and this might sound crazy - the same colour as the rest of the shoe? We're not complaining, of course. We prefer it this way; like floating on a small cloud of style.

THIS COAT IS BETTER THAN MARMALADE SANDWICHESBravesoul duffel coat
Bravesoul, £50

First thing: this coat is great. Final thing: you can pretend you're a badass Paddington Bear. That is something you should do.

AWW, CUTLERY FRIENDS
A Thousand Thankyous, £39.99

We thought this was a really charming sweatshirt. We were writing some stuff about how cool it'd be if your cutlery came to life when you're not around and carried on like best pals, having hilariious adventures. And then we saw the look on spoon's face. Now we can't unsee CUTLERY GANG RAPE.

GET YOURSELF A BAG, YOU CAN CARRY THINGS IN IT
Penfield, £40

It's an awesome bag. You can put your stuff in it. Well what were you expecting?