By Bex Baines
In case you weren’t aware – having missed all the adverts for overpriced chocolates, desperate-looking guys trudging around H. Samuel, endless reams of red peephole bras bursting out of Ann Summers and the sudden overfriendliness of that lumpy girl from accounts – it’s Valentine’s Day next week.
Whether you’ll be wining and dining your loved one, out and about looking for one, or sitting in, sad and alone, watching Prisoners’ Wives and pretending you wouldn't want it any other way, you’ll want to be looking good. BEHOLD:
BOLDLY GOING WHERE NO T-SHIRT HAS BEEN BEFORE
Dirty Velvet, £24.98
If, like us, you've always wondered what it will be like when science FINALLY comes up with a way to erect a ladder from earth to the moon, you'll appreciate this funky T-shirt.
NOT AN ACTUAL GAZELLE
When we picture a gazelle (which is often), we imagine him elegantly leaping through fields of tall grass, in slow motion, with an Enya soundtrack. Don't be fooled, though - those spindly legs can top 60mph if needed.
These kicks may not help you match those speeds, but we'll give you a cast-iron guarantee that you won't get eaten by a lion if you wear them to the cinema on Saturday.
THIS COAT'S NOT TERRY'S, IT'S YOURS
It might be called 'Terry Jacket', but you can wear it, no matter what your name is. Unless it's Alan-I-Hate-Blue-Coats-Particularly-Those-With-Hoods-And-The-Bloke-That-Invented-Carhartt-Stole-My-Childhood-Sweetheart-And-I'm-Still-Not-Over-It, of course.
Not For Ponies, £25
Turtles are ace. We'd like to own a turtle, but we'd be too worried about the hard-shelled critter escaping. Think that'd never happen? WELL: yesterday, a turtle called Buggsy was found and returned to his home Cambridge home having been missing for five months. SEE?
If you love turtles but can't handle the crazy escapades that accompany them, try this bad boy on for size (no, literally, - it's clothes).
We all miss those simple days at school when the biggest concern was who would kneel behind Dave while you pushed him over or 'shifty Anne' swiping your lunch money. Relive some of that childhood glory with this awesome backpack. There's plenty of room for your packed lunch, felt-tips, Panini stickers and Pogs, plus a seperate compartment for the copy of FHM you read during History lessons - all in one stylish bundle.