Looking for a brilliantly messy backpack, some bright red trainers, a jumper with lots of photos on it or some rich people to eat for lunch?
SOMETIMES THE WORDS ON T-SHIRTS ARE CRAYCRAY
"Special feature: eat the rich"? We've tried to get that one past our publisher and they're just not having it. Such a shame; we've always thought Richard Branson looks pretty fucking moreish.
THIS BACKPACK AIN'T LIKE NO OTHER BACKPACK
There's only 250 of these little beauties, and each and every one is paint splattered by hand, probably by some avant garde 'artiste' called 'Zed' in a studio under a subway paid for by his dispairing corporate slave parents.
THESE TRAINERS ARE ALMOST AS COOL AS FOOD
They're called the Nike Braata, which is a Caribbean word meaning 'a small portion added to a purchase of food by a market vendor, to encourage the customer to return'. There is literally NOTHING we like more than free Caribbean food. That is a comprehensively STRONG name. Trainers named after emotions, aeroplanes and mythical Greek gods should take a long, hard look at themselves.
THIS SWEATSHIRT LOOKS LIKE INSTAGRAM
Instagram's a funny thing, isn't it? People just can't resist making everything they see look like a 70s Polaroid snap. If we see one more 'moody landscape' of a Tesco car park, we'll be forced to point out that engineers have put a lot of time and effort into developing photographic technology to accurately capture moments and memories, which makes it a bit ungrateful of us to say "Nah, let's just make it look all old and blurry again" like the old days, DONTCHATHINK?
THIS T-SHIRT MAKES US HAPPYSAD
Pretty Green, £50
YES, Pete Townshend. YES, The Who. YES, Quadrophenia. YES, 100% luxury cotton. YES, the tragically transient dichotomy between happiness and sorrow. YES.