Mister Beanie

The reason you instinctively want to punch someone with a beanie hat on when he’s otherwise unprotected from the elements, is because if he’s cold he should be wearing a jumper. A cap works better with this look because it has a logical function (to keep the sun out of your eyes).

Wraparound shades

These ’90s sports sunglasses are the antithesis of the look. Again, the LA element of this outfit demands appropriate shades, aviators or something equally large with metal frames. With the wraparounds our man looks like a steward on a BNP march.

Student watch

The image this look is meant to project is ‘Even though I look like a gay squatter, I actually have tons of money and only screw supermodels.’ So a statement dress watch like a Rolex, or something large and shiny at least, rounds it off perfectly. If you can’t stretch to that we recommend the Rotary 700 Series, which suits the vibe even if it does have a leather strap.

Marlboro Man belt

This might appear to suit the outfit well, but fashion can be a complex and subtle science. The Americana buckle is just too over-the-hill wannabe rock star. Go for a skater-type fabric belt with a clip clasp, which you should easily be able to find at Topman, H&M or A Bathing Ape if you want to go up the scale.

Brown slip-ons

Your tan loafers are versatile – or at least, you wear them everywhere – but they don’t suit this get-up. You might be able to get away with some classic Gucci ones at a push, but really this ‘glamorous slacker’, LA rock’n’roll look needs Converse Chuck Taylor or Jack Purcell daps.

 

Satan in the details

Either the jeans or the top should be lurid, not both. So if the jeans are covered in embroidery, illustration, rips or jewels then wear a plain T-shirt (the ideal fall-back is one bearing the name of your favourite retro band). If you can’t work out which act to revive, the buyers at Urban Outfitters will have already worked it out for you.