If you're a person alive in the 21st century, you might be aware that Apple have gone and announced their new iPad additions, the super-thin iPad Air and updated iPad mini.

You might also be aware that this announcement is absolutely awash with more technical jargon than Back To The Future Part II.

Here's what it all means for people that don't have a degree in astro-computing nonsense...

 

iPad Air and iPad mini

IPAD AIR

iPad Air

It's the iPad 5.

It's only 7.5mm thick, which is 43% thinner than the iPad 3. Which sounds impressive until you realise that the iPad 2 is 8.8mm thick. Which means the iPad has basically got a yo-yo weight issue and makes you feel like Apple are slightly messing us around.

That said, this new version is 28% lighter because, you know, the biggest problem with previous iPads was obviously how damn heavy they are.

It has a 9.7 inch Retina display, which sounds like it's a Demolition Man-style eyeball scanner. It's not. It's actually a ridiculously sharp screen with images so clear, your eye can't even detect the pixels. It's like looking out of a window, which is pretty cool.

It's fast. Like, really fast. It contains the A7 chip, which is one of the things that makes the iPhone 5S so brilliant, so expect better graphics and rendering. It'll also load twice as fast as previous models and crash a hell of a lot less.

It has a 5-megapixel camera and Facetime with a front-facing camera is now available in HD - which means selfies are now going to be awesome/really unforgiving. Expect stocks in Snapchat to skyrocket.

It comes in four colours: silver, white, space grey and black. Space grey sounds AWESOME.

OTHER IMPORTANT STUFF FROM THE LAUNCH - THE NEW iPad mini

New iPad mini

Like the iPad Air, it comes with the A7 64 bit processor and the high resolution 7.9inch Retina display. It is four times faster than the old iPad mini and is exactly the same size.

But still no fingerprint scanner. If you were hoping to go full-on futuristic, you're out of luck (with both new iPads). This will remain exclusive to the iPhone 5S. Which is probably just as well considering the amount of potential security risks this poses.

The verdict:

Essentially, Apple have served us up the same iPad, only they've pushed it through a hardcore fitness regime and pimped it out with a celebrity makeover. Unless your eyeballs work faster and better than Usain Bolt on a 100m straight, you're probably going to notice very little other than cosmetic differences.

If you want to invest in one but care little for "invisible" improvements, save some dosh and go for the iPad mini. It essentially does everything that its bigger brother does for slightly less, and anything it doesn't do you won't notice anyway.